Jane Heller

New York Times and USA Today Bestselling Author

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"Brett Gardner Just Saved Ramiro Pena's Bacon"

July 3, 2011

That was a direct quote from Michael Kay after Gardner made that tremendous throw to nail Duda at home plate (nice tag by Russell Martin too). Unfortunately, no one could save Pena’s bacon or anything else about the kid. It was a bad day at the office for him. For Mo too. He kind of looked like he was phoning it in for some reason. (I hate writing that.)

It’s not the end of the world that the Yankees dropped the series finale to the Mets, but to waste the fine outing by Garcia was frustrating. Also frustrating was our offense; they caught a break when Dickey and his knuckleball left the game but still couldn’t manage the necessary runs.

Still, there’s very good news with Jeter coming back. I’m excited about it. I’ve missed him. And I think the defense of Nunez and Pena made everybody miss him even more.

And Nova? Well, I’d rather have him pitching in Scranton than sitting around in our bullpen. And he’ll be back, no doubt.

For me the question mark is Hughes. Which Hughes will we see on Wednesday? The one with velocity and command or the guy that dithers around on the mound and is gone by the fourth inning? Fingers crossed for the former.

The All-Star selections? Ask me if I care. Of course I wish every Yankee could be picked and it would be cool for Robertson to get his shot, but it’s an exhibition game. It’s about as exciting to me as the WBC. Sorry.

Hope everyone’s enjoying the holiday weekend despite today’s loss. Happy 4th in advance.

Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: All-Star game, bacon, Brett Gardner, Derek Jeter, fireworks, Freddy Garcia, July 4th, Mariano Rivera, Mets, Michael Kay, Ramiro Pena, Russell Martin, Yankees

“Brett Gardner Just Saved Ramiro Pena’s Bacon”

July 3, 2011

That was a direct quote from Michael Kay after Gardner made that tremendous throw to nail Duda at home plate (nice tag by Russell Martin too). Unfortunately, no one could save Pena’s bacon or anything else about the kid. It was a bad day at the office for him. For Mo too. He kind of looked like he was phoning it in for some reason. (I hate writing that.)

It’s not the end of the world that the Yankees dropped the series finale to the Mets, but to waste the fine outing by Garcia was frustrating. Also frustrating was our offense; they caught a break when Dickey and his knuckleball left the game but still couldn’t manage the necessary runs.

Still, there’s very good news with Jeter coming back. I’m excited about it. I’ve missed him. And I think the defense of Nunez and Pena made everybody miss him even more.

And Nova? Well, I’d rather have him pitching in Scranton than sitting around in our bullpen. And he’ll be back, no doubt.

For me the question mark is Hughes. Which Hughes will we see on Wednesday? The one with velocity and command or the guy that dithers around on the mound and is gone by the fourth inning? Fingers crossed for the former.

The All-Star selections? Ask me if I care. Of course I wish every Yankee could be picked and it would be cool for Robertson to get his shot, but it’s an exhibition game. It’s about as exciting to me as the WBC. Sorry.

Hope everyone’s enjoying the holiday weekend despite today’s loss. Happy 4th in advance.

Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: All-Star game, bacon, Brett Gardner, Derek Jeter, fireworks, Freddy Garcia, July 4th, Mariano Rivera, Mets, Michael Kay, Ramiro Pena, Russell Martin, Yankees

Maybe The "Brew Crew" Had Too Much Brew

June 28, 2011

Oh, my. What a mess of a game for the Brewers. They may be formidable in the NL Central, but they looked more like the Little Rascals at the Stadium tonight. Greinke’s defense clearly did him no favors, but when you walk a batter and hit another, then give up Swisher’s three-run bomb and your manager has a reliever warming in the second inning, you’re toast.

I’ve said many times how much I love blowouts, so this was a very relaxing evening for me. I just sat back, watched the onslaught and enjoyed dinner without heartburn for a change.

Garcia continues to amaze. He looked shaky at first, but once he was pitching with that big lead he had the Milwaukee hitters swinging away like a bunch of Vlad Guerreros.

And now Colon’s coming back, possibly to pitch in this weekend’s series against the Mets (who had TWO grand slams after not having any in, like, a million years)? I hope he’s really okay and not being rushed.

But here’s what I really hope – that all the talk about bringing Meat Tray back is just that: talk.

Photo: Al Bello/Getty Images North America

The fact that Cliff Lee and the Phillies took care of Josh Beckett and the Sox didn’t exactly ruin my night either.

Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: Bartolo Colon, beer, Brew Crew, Freddy Garcia, Milwaukee Brewers, Nick Swisher, Sergio Mitre, Yankees, Zack Greinke

Maybe The “Brew Crew” Had Too Much Brew

June 28, 2011

Oh, my. What a mess of a game for the Brewers. They may be formidable in the NL Central, but they looked more like the Little Rascals at the Stadium tonight. Greinke’s defense clearly did him no favors, but when you walk a batter and hit another, then give up Swisher’s three-run bomb and your manager has a reliever warming in the second inning, you’re toast.

I’ve said many times how much I love blowouts, so this was a very relaxing evening for me. I just sat back, watched the onslaught and enjoyed dinner without heartburn for a change.

Garcia continues to amaze. He looked shaky at first, but once he was pitching with that big lead he had the Milwaukee hitters swinging away like a bunch of Vlad Guerreros.

And now Colon’s coming back, possibly to pitch in this weekend’s series against the Mets (who had TWO grand slams after not having any in, like, a million years)? I hope he’s really okay and not being rushed.

But here’s what I really hope – that all the talk about bringing Meat Tray back is just that: talk.

Photo: Al Bello/Getty Images North America

The fact that Cliff Lee and the Phillies took care of Josh Beckett and the Sox didn’t exactly ruin my night either.

Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: Bartolo Colon, beer, Brew Crew, Freddy Garcia, Milwaukee Brewers, Nick Swisher, Sergio Mitre, Yankees, Zack Greinke

Can We Just Forget The Second Game Happened?

June 22, 2011

The Reds were bound to win tonight’s finale with Cueto on the mound. Does he wind up like Luis Tiant or what? (I’m talking about the way he turns his back on the hitters.) I was less perturbed about our lack of offense than I was about our pathetic pitching. Gordon threw a few too many meatballs and Noesi blew the game open.

Oh, well.

I’d rather gush about Garcia’s performance in Game 1 of the doubleheader. Now which starter do we want in the pen when Hughes comes back, huh?

All in all, it was a very good road trip for the Yanks. It would have been better if we’d been able to take advantage of the Red Sox’s loss today, but whatever. It’s still June. Despite all the injuries, we’re hanging in there.

Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: Brian Gordon, Freddy Garcia, Hector Noesi, Johnny Cueto, Luis Tiant, Phil Hughes, Reds, Yankees

I Guess I Didn't Miss Much

June 17, 2011

I couldn’t watch or listen to today’s game, but after reading about it I think I’m glad. I hate when we don’t score. I hate it even more when our starting pitcher doesn’t give up many runs and we don’t score. I especially hate it when we don’t score against a pitcher who throws junk.

It sounds like it wasn’t a very good game for Granderson, but he’s been such a superstar for us this season I can hardly fault him. I’ll just chalk this one up to the strange environment in which the Yankees (except for Girardi and Rothschild) found themselves.

Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: Cubs, Curtis Granderson, Freddy Garcia, Wrigley Field, Yankees

I Guess I Didn’t Miss Much

June 17, 2011

I couldn’t watch or listen to today’s game, but after reading about it I think I’m glad. I hate when we don’t score. I hate it even more when our starting pitcher doesn’t give up many runs and we don’t score. I especially hate it when we don’t score against a pitcher who throws junk.

It sounds like it wasn’t a very good game for Granderson, but he’s been such a superstar for us this season I can hardly fault him. I’ll just chalk this one up to the strange environment in which the Yankees (except for Girardi and Rothschild) found themselves.

Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: Cubs, Curtis Granderson, Freddy Garcia, Wrigley Field, Yankees

Can We Play Cleveland Every Day?

June 12, 2011

I know. Be careful what you wish for. The Indians could blow out the Yankees on Monday night and have me moaning about it. But the first three games in this series have been fun (minus the injuries and hit batsmen).

Today’s game went exactly the way any fan could have hoped: great starting pitching and relentless offense (without a single homer).

Brett Gardner must have been reading this blog and taken all the comments to heart. He was slapping the ball all over the field and didn’t get thrown out once on the bases.

Posada is hitting like a DH should (well, except for that DP). I’m not flinching anymore when he steps in at the plate.

Granderson was in a slump? It sure didn’t last long.

And what a comeback for Garcia after his debacle against the Red Sox. Are we supposed to take him seriously again? I guess we have to, given that Colon’s out of the rotation.

Speaking of the Red Sox, I kept wondering as the game went on if they’re that much better than every other team in the league. Is that why we can beat everybody but them? Or are they just on a hot streak after being on a cold streak and will they come back to earth (hopefully soon)?

In the meantime, I’m enjoying our little beat down of the Indians for as long as it lasts.

Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: Brett Gardner, Curtis Granderson, Freddy Garcia, Indians, Jorge Posada, Red Sox, Yankees

It Could Have Been Worse

June 7, 2011

Yes, we could have had a Buster Posey situation on our hands.

Tell me you didn’t hold your break and think about Posey when Lester’s pitch made a direct hit on Tex’s knee. I heard that crack, watched our guy go down and felt sick. But the x-rays were negative and he’s got a contusion and nothing’s broken. At least that’s what we heard tonight. How long he’ll be out remains a question mark. And just when he’d gone on a home run streak too. Figures.

What further bothered me was that despite Lester’s lack of control (he hit Martin to add insult to injury), the Yankees couldn’t knock him out earlier. They couldn’t even take advantage after Jenks went lame with a stiff back. Just not enough firepower tonight. A-Rod, in particular, was not helpful. Granderson had an atypically off night at the plate. And Andruw Jones looked ready for the glue factory.

Should I even bother to talk about Garcia? Oh, why not. He was throwing batting practice. He had nothing. I know he’s pitched well and I’m not supposed to complain about him but I’m doing it anyway. He’s not the answer over the long haul, he just isn’t.

On a positive note, how about Hector Noesi?!

Photo: Nick Laham/Getty Images - bleacherreport.com

Aside from Big Sloppy’s homer, he was brilliant. Who wants to see him in the rotation?

(courtesy: villagevoice.com)

Kudos to Ayala too.

And Jorge. Clearly, all he needed was to play defense instead of just DH. He had a terrific night. So if he takes over at first for awhile, maybe we’ll see some real offense from him.

And a word about Cano and that throw he made from Granderson to nail Ellsbury at third: sweet.

I hate losing to the Red Sox yet again, especially at the Stadium. I hate losing one of our hottest players too. But there’s always tomorrow and Thursday.

I’m being amazingly level-headed about all this, aren’t I?

Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: Buster Posey, Freddy Garcia, Hector Noesi, Jon Lester, Luis Ayala, Mark Teixeira, Red Sox, Yankees

Ten Runs – My Kind of Game

May 31, 2011

(courtesy: school-portal.co.uk)

I said I would take good care of the Yankees once they got to California and so far I’m holding up my end. Tonight’s game was another show of dominance over the A’s – from Garcia’s effective pitching to more crazy good offense by Granderson. (Is that guy having a season to remember or what? I knew he was good when he was in Detroit, but this is insane.) Nice swat by Cano, excellent RBIs by A-Rod and clap clap clap to Jeter for piling up the hits. Oh, and I’m loving all the double steals lately.

What I’m not loving is Brett Gardner’s bunting. He needs to either stop trying or learn how to do it. I can’t stand watching him botch it anymore.

I also can’t figure out why our baserunning has been so bad (aside from the double steals). Doesn’t it seem like someone is getting picked off or caught napping or running into an out in each game these days?

Anyhow, we won – handily. I love blowouts – always have, always will. They’re so relaxing.

(courtesy: strayac.com)

Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: A-Rod, Athletics, Curtis Granderson, Derek Jeter, Freddy Garcia, Robinson Cano, Yankees

A Lovely Day In The Bronx

May 25, 2011

Friend of the Blog John sent the above photo earlier. His kids were at the game, and from what I can tell it was a perfect day for baseball. I can almost smell the hot dogs (or the Lobel’s sandwiches) here in California.

I watched portions of the game, as I tried to squeeze in a little work, but I saw enough to know the following:

  1. Garcia gave us another excellent performance. (Who would have thought he’d be this consistent? Raise your hand.)
  2. Granderson must be spritzing himself with Holy Water. He’s receiving some kind of divine intervention.
  3. Andruw Jones lives! His homers were not cheapies!
  4. Tex appears to have his stroke back. Now it’s time for him to go on an absolute tear.
  5. Joba made me nervous in the 8th, but no damage.
  6. Clap clap clap for Mo and his 1,000th appearance and here’s to 2,000. (OK, 1,500.)
  7. Poor Jo-Jo Reyes. He can’t buy a win. Maybe he should change his name. Jo-Jo rhymes with this.
Photo: willa dios/pbbase.com

The Yankees won another series, and I’m a happy camper. I’m so happy that I’m not even flinching as I post something about the Red Sox. Well, about Red Sox fans. Remember the Nine More Outs guys? They’re the comedy troupe that goes to different ballparks posing as that team’s fans and then making videos about the experience. For their latest adventure they went to Fenway and pretended to be Yankee haters. More specifically, Jeter haters. Here’s the video. Don’t watch it if violence against stuffed animals is disturbing to you. (But do hang around for the last line of the video with the woman saying…Never mind, you’ll see.)

Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: Andruw Jones, Blue Jays, Curtis Granderson, Freddy Garcia, Jo-Jo Reyes, Joba Chamberlain, Mariano Rivera, Yankees

And Now A Word From My Saner Self

May 15, 2011

As opposed to the self that was watching tonight’s game and tweeting about it. THAT self had a psychotic break after the ball dribbled through A-Rod’s legs. THAT self started cackling maniacally at every mistake the Yankees made – from the passed balls/wild pitches to the base-running blunders to the first-pitch pop-ups to the meatball pitches to Youkilis, Ortiz, etc. THAT self went berserko.

(courtesy:altfg.com)

But then I got calm. Seriously. So what if the team is playing like crap? It’s happened before and it’ll happen again. It is NOT the end of life as we know it. Teams go through slumps. It has nothing to do with any of the following:

  1. The Yankees are old.
  2. The Yankees stink.
  3. A-Rod will never hit another homer as long as he breathes.
  4. Posada took himself out of the lineup yesterday.

However, the following ARE true:

  1. Swisher looks like he should be batting 9th or not at all.
  2. Gardner should learn how to bunt or never attempt one again.
  3. Tex needs to work with Kevin Long or inject himself with some of Colon’s stem cells.
  4. Martin should take lessons in passed ballism from an All-Star catcher like….Posada.
  5. Freddy Garcia is suddenly unable to hold a lead.
  6. Joba’s inconsistency is frustrating.
  7. The team should go out together and get plastered.

At least we scored some runs tonight. That’s something, right? And at least the Posada Saga has been put to rest. (Nice roll call for him by the Bleacher Creatures, plus the standing O when he pinch hit.) And remember. We were in last place around this time in 2007 when I started writing the She-Fan book, and we ended up in the postseason after a tremendous second half. A bad patch can easily turn into a good patch.

Photo: Tatters / CC BY 2.0

So nobody should despair. Be disgusted. Be disgruntled. Be dubious. (How about all these D words, huh?) Just don’t let all these losses get to you the way I almost let them get to me tonight.

Oh. One more thing. I don’t hate the ESPN team as much as I despise the duo on FOX, but would it be too much to ask that Bobby Valentine pronounce “Teixeira” correctly as his colleagues seem to be able to do? My God.

Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: A-Rod, Bobby Valentine, Brett Gardner, ESPN, Freddy Garcia, Joba Chamberlain, Jorge Posada, Mark Teixeira, Nick Swisher, Red Sox, Yankees

A Nice Tidy Win

May 10, 2011

Photo: Crystal Cartier/Corbis

(Actually, it was Michael who was doing all the work, cooking dinner, while I was stretched out on the couch watching the game, but I was going for “tidy” in the headline and this pic got the job done.)

And tidy it was, beginning with the pitching.

  1. Very efficient stuff from Garcia.
  2. Another Houdini act by D-Rob after he got himself into trouble.
  3. Guns blazing from Joba, who’s reminding me of the ’07 model.
  4. Sick, just insane work by Mo to start that double play to end the game. THE MAN IS A DEITY.
(courtesy: Nippon Television Network/WSJ online)

Offensively, the Yanks didn’t exactly hit the tar off the ball (is there tar on a ball?), but thanks to Gardner’s triple, Jeter’s RBI single and A-Rod’s two-run single we had what we needed.

Three other points of note.

Melky. It was weird to see him at the Stadium. I was kind of glad he was back and kind of who cares at the same time. I didn’t love his homer, I know that much.

The Royals. They’re not a bad team and I wouldn’t take them for granted, not at all. They run the bases, those rascals.

And Soriano. I said, “Where is he?” when Joba came in to pitch the eighth. It turns out he has a sore arm and is getting a precautionary MRI tomorrow. Here’s what I don’t get. He said it’s been bothering him FOR AWHILE. Then why was he pitching in Arlington on Sunday, just for example?

Oh, well. I’ll butt out and hope it’s nothing serious.

Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: A-Rod, Brett Gardner, David Robertson, Derek Jeter, Freddy Garcia, Joba Chamberlain, Mariano Rivera, Melky Cabrera, Rafael Soriano, Royals, Yankees

Stranded

April 29, 2011

Fortunately, those poor polar bears were rescued. The Yankees? Not so much. Not with the bases loaded (more than once). Not with the the heart of the order up. Not with the Blue Jays giving us every opportunity with their sloppy play. Not even after Freddy Garcia labored but managed to keep us in the game. Other than Cano’s blasts, tonight’s loss to the Jays was a slog – long, slow and unsatisfying.

Is there anything else to say?

I didn’t think so.

Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: Blue Jays, Freddy Garcia, Robinson Cano, Yankees

Hiding Out To Hear The Game

April 24, 2011

It’s about a two-hour drive from Santa Barbara to L.A., where I went for Easter dinner at my friend Rhonda’s (the same friend who hosts Thanksgiving every year). Before I left the house, I watched the Yankees jump out to their 3-0 lead over the O’s, saw Garcia’s remarkable performance, wondered why he couldn’t stay in to pitch the seventh, and groaned when Joba gave up those two runs.

“We’d better go,” I said to Michael, looking at my watch. “There could be traffic. We don’t want to be late.”

He agreed and we turned off the TV and listened to the game in the car. There we were,  cruising down the 101 Freeway with no traffic whatsoever, when Mo blew the save.

“Can you pull over?” I said to Michael. “I have to barf.”

Just kidding. I didn’t say anything. I was too stunned. Yes, I realize that Mo goes through these little spells, especially early in the season, but they’re not fun to experience.

And then came the rain in Baltimore.

“What if they don’t resume play for hours?” I said, knowing we’d be at Rhonda’s soon. “I don’t want to miss a single pitch.”

“Out of our control,” said Michael, who can be annoyingly sensible at times.

The rain delay turned out to be fairly short, as rain delays go, and the game resumed with Cano at the plate in the top of the 11th. The only problem was that we had just pulled onto Rhonda’s street.

“We can’t go in!” I hissed as we neared her house. “Let’s just park and wait until it’s over. Nobody will see us.”

“The game could last for fifteen innings,” Michael pointed out. I think he was hungry. Rhonda always has a feast and he probably had visions of Easter lamb dancing around in his head.

“I’m not going in there until the final out,” I said. “We’ll be fashionably late.”

We parked.

You know the rest. The Yankees scored three, thanks to our bats and the Orioles’ sloppiness – and both Boone Logan and Buddy Carlyle (two of the best baseball player names around) took care of business in the bottom of the inning. Nice win for the boys.

“Can we please go now?” said Michael.

“But there’s the post-game show and I want to  -”

He ignored me and drove. I was so happy about the result of the game that I bounded inside when we arrived at Rhonda’s. I was all geared up for the usual insults about the Yanks from Mary Ann, the Dodgers fan and Yankees hater, but Rhonda smartly seated us at opposite ends of the long table.

There she is by the window, looking at me and wishing she could work in a crack about my team. No such luck. Instead, I smiled and waved, secure in the knowledge that my team, unlike hers, hadn’t just been taken over by Bug Selig.

Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: Boone Logan Buddy Carlyle, Bud Selig, Dodgers, Easter, Freddy Garcia, Mariano Rivera, Orioles, Robinson Cano, Yankees

Ready Freddy

April 16, 2011

(courtesy: espn.com)

Who needs to worry about pitch counts, rainouts and days between starts? Not Freddy Garcia, apparently. The has-been-turned-wily-veteran stymied the Rangers today and I, for one, was amazed. Never mind the kids. Just bring on more Garcias and Colons! Let’s raid a nearby facility for the aged! After all, Mo is no spring chicken and he’s got, like, 100 saves already.

(courtesy: hebrewhome.org)

Well, OK. One of the kids deserves mention. Joba was great. He seems to be back to his 2007 self, so whatever he’s doing differently I hope he keeps it up.

Soriano, on the other hand….There I was, thinking we had this one in the bag (silly me), when Sorry Sori nearly coughed up our 3-0 lead. I’ll chalk it up to the cold weather, since he’s the fragile type.

Speaking of fragile, weren’t we all saying how healthy A-Rod has looked, how spry, now that his hip is no longer an issue? So how come he’s got a stiff oblique/back? Maybe if he’d worn long sleeves like the rest of the players…..

Anyhow, we won the game and have tied up the series. Let’s get CC a win tomorrow night. He’s earned it.

Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: A-Rod, Bartolo Colon, CC Sabathia, Freddy Garcia, Joba Chamberlain, Mariano Rivera, Rafael Soriano, Rangers, Yankees

And You Thought We Had Problems

April 12, 2011

Just to name a few. (That last pic is of Pedro Feliciano, btw. Since we’ve never seen him pitch as a Yankee, it might be hard to tell.)

Somehow, our problems seem minor next to those of other clubs. At the moment anyway. While we were being rained out against the O’s tonight, here’s what else happened:

  1. Josh Hamilton broke his arm and will be out 6-8 weeks.
  2. The Red Sox lost again and are now 2-9.
  3. Vernon Wells has been given a “mental day” by the Angels – a euphemism for “benched.”

Doesn’t it seem as if this season is getting off to a rocky start? Well, unless you’re the Cleveland Indians, who have been doing an excellent impression of a really good team.

So let’s be grateful for what’s gone right so far with the Yankees:

  1. A.J. has been Good A.J.
  2. Russell Martin is everybody’s new fan fave.
  3. CC has pitched well enough to be 3-0.
  4. A-Rod has his stroke back.
  5. D-Rob has his Ks back.
  6. Mo hasn’t lost a step.

Let’s go Yankees.

Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: A.J. Burnett, Angels, Cleveland Indians, Freddy Garcia, Josh Hamilton, Pedro Feliciano, Phil Hughes, Rangers, Rays, Red Sox, Russell Martin, Vernon Wells, Yankees

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About Jane Heller

Jane Heller is a New York Times and USA Today bestselling author. Her fourteen breezy, witty novels of romantic comedy and suspense are now entertaining millions of readers around the world, along with her two books of nonfiction.

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