Jane Heller

New York Times and USA Today Bestselling Author

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My book is "eye candy!"

February 2, 2015

EyeCandy_FEB1_youdbetternotdie

Chronicle Books, publisher of my caregiver survival guide, You’d Better Not Die or I’ll Kill You, just gave me the heads up that the book has been selected for their special, month-long “Eye Candy” ebook sale! What does that mean? Special savings, that’s what! For the entire month of February, caregivers and the people who care about them, will be able to go to any ebook retailer and purchase the ebook edition at a substantial savings. I’m talking about a book that’s been priced as high as $14.99 selling for $2.99 and less in February – no small deal, right?

I came up with the idea for You’d Better Not Die after spending 20 years as the caregiver to my husband Michael, who has Crohn’s disease and who sent us both on a journey that involved multiple hospitalizations and surgeries and home health nurses and many, many doctors. I wanted to write about my experience with a humorous spin – not as a Debbie Downer, in other words, but as someone who could stare the dark days in the face and still find silver linings in them. I also sought out caregivers with stories about caring for a parent with Alzheimer’s, a husband with M.S., a daughter with anorexia, a son with autism and much more. And finally I went to the experts – lots of them: therapists (how do we cope when we’re so stressed we can’t see straight?), a dietician (what the heck do we eat that’s healthy when we’re stuck with hospital cafeterias?),  fitness coaches (how are we supposed to exercise when we’re sitting in a hospital room all day?), a bestselling cookbook author (who has time to cook a nutritious meal with flavor?), meditation teachers (how do we quiet the mind when it’s racing to check off all the items on our “To Do” list?), nurses (how should we deal with the cranky ones who won’t answer our questions?), and much more.

Since the book was published, my perspective as a caregiver has broadened. I did write about my mother’s increasing dementia in You’d Better Not Die, but I have a whole new appreciation for what caring for an elderly parent is all about. Mom recently turned 98 (her older sister just turned 100, so longevity runs on that side of the family) and while still very sharp at times, she’s more and more dependent on her full-time caregiver to fill in the blanks. She’s especially disoriented in the late afternoons and evenings when the infamous “sundowners” set in, and her confusion is a source of great frustration to her. Over the past few years I’ve been her long-distance caregiver since I’ve lived in California and she’s in New York, but I’m moving back east this spring and one of the main reasons is to be there for and with her in whatever ways she needs me – from interacting with her doctors to help with paying her bills to spending time with her and trying to brighten her days. She lives at home – at one point she wanted to move to an assisted living community and then changed her mind – and is isolated to a certain degree, and I hope my presence will mitigate that.

Meanwhile, I’m very heartened by the wonderful reader responses to You’d Better Not Die, along with the critics’ reviews. I write romantic comedies for the most part, so a caregiver book was new territory for me. But take a look at some of the words of praise on Goodreads. Wow.

“Our sweet daughter gave me this book for Christmas – and I took my time reading and thinking about every chapter. ‘A family caregiver is caring for somebody who has something that can’t be fixed-i.e., it doesn’t have a cure at this point in time. That requires a totally different medical approach.’ (page 284) This definition of a caregiver includes most of my family and friends…who don’t really see themselves as caregivers, but who, like me, struggle with all of the issues associated with this role as we care for a parent, spouse, child, or friend. This book is filled with simple, useful, needed advice based on the experiences of Jane, and her friends, family, and health care professionals that are helping her make sense of this complicated issue. Their insights and comments have helped me change how I see my own role as a caregiver and how I see and serve others filling this critical role.”

“I’ve been reading Jane Heller’s You’d Better Not Die or I’ll Kill You, and it’s exceptional. Two hours later (with lots of laughs and tears), I finished it from cover to cover. Honestly, after doing home health with a 87 year old , with her declining health and increasing dementia, I believe this book will be a godsend to so many. It’s unique in its scope – anecdotal, voices from a cadre of health care professionals as well as peeps like us, and very personal. I’ve experienced all of it – working nurses, asking questions, keeping records, doing follow-ups, arranging ambulances and rehab and homecare and wading through the Medicare stuff….and the author has put ALL OF IT down to help and to use….and ultimately, to speak of love and how it is tested….well, nicely done.”

“I cried at many points in this book because I recognized so much of my own experiences in the stories in this book. Lots of good advice, even though as a caregiver, you’re probably just too exhausted, frustrated, busy to take it. Excellent book that should offer solace to those of us who often feel alone in their challenges.”

I love hearing from readers and talking to other caregivers, so feel free to send me an email and let me know how you’re doing on your caregiving journey. If you haven’t read the book or you have a friend or family member for whom you’d like to buy it, February is the month. For the bookseller links to the Eye Candy Special Savings Promo, go to my home page on this site.

Take care!

 

 

Filed Under: Mainly Jane, Wellness Tagged With: caregiver book, caregivers, caregiving, Crohn's disease, dementia, You'd Better Not Die or I'll Kill You

Caregivers Can Have A Happy Anniversary Too

October 4, 2012

When I woke up this morning and staggered into the kitchen to make some tea, I was greeted by this bouquet of roses and three cards, one of which had an eloquent and very touching message handwritten by my husband Michael, a man not given to writing more than items on a shopping list.

It’s been 20 years since our wedding at Stonehenge, the charming country inn in Ridgefield, CT, and what an adventure this marriage has been. Had I even heard of Crohn’s Disease when I met Michael? No. When he told me he had it but was in remission, did I pay much attention? No. When he was rushed to the hospital for what would become 20 years full of trips to the ER, did I bolt? No.

I was either in denial or wildly in love or both.

And now here we are, married for 20 years today. I’ve been fighting a cold but Michael’s been fighting Crohn’s since he was 11 and the past couple of weeks haven’t been a good patch for him. He’s had nearly 100 hospitalizations since he was diagnosed and maybe 30 surgeries, but somehow he manages to soldier on, do the best he can, be a husband, have a life. He’s my hero.

He’s also about to get his close-up when YOU’D BETTER NOT DIE OR I’LL KILL YOU comes out next month. When he read the manuscript before I turned it in to my editor, there were sections that made him uncomfortable. He felt exposed and thought a few of my anecdotes were just a little too candid. I was perfectly fine with pulling them out of the book, but then he said, “On second thought, if they’ll help someone else, leave them in.” Another reason I’m glad I’m married to him.

In the old days, before I really understood what caregiving was about, I used to pout when we’d have to cancel celebratory dinners because he wasn’t feeling well enough to go out. I resented the limitations his chronic illness put on our social life, felt deprived of the kind of freedom I assumed other couples enjoyed. Now I accept those limitations and simply work around them. I’ve also learned not to plan too far ahead, or if I do make dates I make them with people who understand if we have to beg off at the last minute.

So maybe we’ll go out for our anniversary tonight and maybe we won’t. Either way, we’ll be celebrating our marriage and how many obstacles we’ve overcome.

 

Filed Under: Mainly Jane, Wellness Tagged With: 20th anniversary, caregiving, caregiving book, Chronicle Books, Crohn's disease, You'd Better Not Die or I'll Kill You

New Kid In Tigerville

May 31, 2012

Photo: Elsa/Getty Images

In the previous series, we were tormented by Angels call-up sensation Mike Trout. Now the Yankees are in Detroit and there’s a new foe in town: an outfielder improbably named Quintin Berry. (I know. It sounds like a Ben & Jerry’s flavor.) Apparently, he’s a 27-year-old minor league journeyman, as opposed to a rookie draft pick, but he’s been tearing it up since he replaced the injured Austin Jackson. He’s fast, steals bases, wrecks havoc. Just what we need, right?

Can’t wait. At least we don’t have to face Verlander until Sunday.

In other news, I thought David Waldstein’s NYT article today was interesting, if depressing. It had to do with the Yankees’ failures with bases loaded this season.

ANAHEIM, Calif. — A year ago the Yankees were the most productive team in baseball with the bases loaded, hitting 10 grand slams and scoring 146 runs.

The year before they were even better, scoring 194 runs in those situations and hitting 10 slams with a .344 batting average. That accounts for a lot of runs.

But this year has been markedly different. Whereas once the Yankees were the most feared team with the bases loaded, now they are almost enfeebled.

Usually, when the bases are loaded the team at the plate has the statistical advantage because pitchers feel compelled to throw strikes, and hitters can unload. Over the previous three seasons, the Yankees collected 461 runs batted in with the bases loaded.

But after going 0 for 2 with the bases loaded Tuesday in their 5-1 loss to the Los Angeles Angels, the Yankees were 8 for 53 this season with the bases full, with only two doubles, two grand slams and 33 R.BI.

Their .151 batting average in those situations was 26th among the 30 major league teams and second to last in the American League. The Tampa Bay Rays and the Boston Red Sox led the major leagues with a .385 with the bases loaded, and the median batting average was .270.

Worse for the Yankees, they carried an almost inconceivable 0–for-15 streak with the bases loaded into Wednesday’s game. Manager Joe Girardi acknowledged being baffled by the Yankees’ inability to cash in during those tantalizing situations.

“I am, somewhat,” he said. “Sometimes we’ve hit the ball good. We’ve run into a little bit of everything. Some guys not swinging the bat very well when the bases are loaded, and we’ve had the guys hit the ball hard with the bases loaded and making outs. Its unfortunate, but we’re still O.K. Obviously, we’d like to be in a better position than we are today.”

Robinson Cano was the most recent culprit, striking out twice with the bases loaded twice Tuesday. He fanned once in the third inning with the bases jammed and again with two outs in the ninth with the Yankees losing by four runs.

“Just because he doesn’t strike out much, it’s a little shocking,” Alex Rodriguez said. “But he’s human. He’s allowed to make outs.”

Cano is not the only Yankee who has been failing in such situations. Nick Swisher is the only member of the team to have two hits with the bases loaded, hitting a grand slam and a double and knocking in eight runs.

Cano was 1 for 10 with a grand slam, Rodriguez was 1 for 9, Derek Jeter and Curtis Granderson each 1 for 7 and Raul Ibanez 0 for 6.

This is a team that set a major league record last Aug. 25 by hitting three grand slams in one game, by Granderson, Cano and Russell Martin. For a team to go from hitting .341 with 20 grand slams with the bases loaded over the previous two years to falling far below .200 is hard to explain.

“I just think it’s something we’re going through,” Girardi said. “These guys have been through it enough that I don’t think they are going to press. Now, that doesn’t mean they won’t get frustrated. But I do believe that every time they go up there they believe they are going to do some damage.”

Rodriguez said he had been getting himself out by chasing bad pitches in bases-loaded situations, being overaggressive. He said he needed to avoid swinging at what he called “sucker pitches” that look like strikes but are not.

In addition to the problems with the bases loaded, the Yankees are not hitting well with runners in scoring position either. Their .223 average with runners in scoring position was 25th in baseball.

With the bases empty, however, the Yankees were hitting .280, third best in baseball, and their 44 solo home runs were second to the Baltimore Orioles’ 46.

“It seems like a summary of our season,” Rodriguez said, “that we’re all doing better with nobody on base.”

Is this phenomenon just “something we’re going through,” as Girardi termed it? I don’t know, but it needs to turn around – and soon.

On a brighter note, a friend sent me a link to this ESPN video from a few years ago. It’s about a boy who gets to meet his idol, Derek Jeter. The boy, like my husband Michael, has Crohn’s disease. I loved every second of it.

http://youtu.be/-ix1UBleJzs

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: Crohn's disease, Derek Jeter, Quintin Berry, Tigers, Yankees

The Sweetest Thing Happened….

April 29, 2012

I wrote about our new neighborhood bakery, Montecito Confections, in a previous post but I have to give the owner another shout out.

Michael’s favorite dessert is lemon meringue pie. He makes a pretty good version himself and fancies himself as a connoisseur. When he sampled Montecito Confections’ pie, he said, “This is the best I’ve ever tasted.” It was that good.

So I started popping into the shop twice a week to pick him up a slice (and to get one of their enormous double chocolate chunk cookies for me). Yesterday I arrived late in the afternoon, just as the bakery was about to close. Michael has had a rough time with his Crohn’s disease lately and I really wanted to get something to cheer him up.

Luckily, there was a whole pie sitting in the refrigerated case. I said hello to Katie, the owner, and told her I was there for my husband’s usual slice and as she lifted the pie out of the case she said, “Why don’t I just give you the whole thing.”

I said, “Are you kidding? The whole pie?”

She said, “I make them fresh everyday, so it would only go to waste. It’s my gift to your husband.”

I was so taken aback – it’s all-too-rare when someone does something really nice for someone else, isn’t it? – but thanked her profusely. I didn’t tell her about Michael’s chronic illness or how difficult life is for him at times (and by extension for me). But as I walked into the house and watched the look on my husband’s face when he saw me holding the pie, I realized that what made Katie’s gesture that much more special was that she didn’t know our whole story; she was simply being kind.

 

Filed Under: Food, Mainly Jane, Wellness Tagged With: caregivers, Crohn's disease, Montecito Confections

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About Jane Heller

Jane Heller is a New York Times and USA Today bestselling author. Her fourteen breezy, witty novels of romantic comedy and suspense are now entertaining millions of readers around the world, along with her two books of nonfiction.

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