Jane Heller

New York Times and USA Today Bestselling Author

Post-Christmas Stirrings in Yankeeville

Okay, so acquiring former Brave and well-traveled outfielder Matt Diaz isn’t exactly big news, nor is Diaz a power hitter. He’s the sort of low-risk guy Cashman plucks off the sales racks at this time of year. His strength, if it can be called that, is that he can hit left-handers, supposedly.

Speaking of outfielders, as everyone knows by now, it seems that smiley, dimpled Andruw Jones has some legal headaches to deal with before he takes off to play in Japan next year.

Photo: Leon Halip/Getty Images

I really hate hearing about athletes involved in domestic violence, not to mention being drunk and disorderly. I’m just grateful this wasn’t yet another story about guns.

Here’s hoping the new year brings some actual good news.

What A Bench!

One night it’s Ibanez who’s the hero. Another night it’s Chavez. Tonight it was Jones, Nix and even Stewart (we can count him, can’t we?). All the role players are more than playing their roles; they’re exceeding expectations.

For me, though, it was CC who starred in tonight’s win over the hapless Blue Jays. To come back from the DL and pitch as crisply and efficiently as he did was a thrill. I appreciate that Girardi had him on a pitch count, but I bet he could have thrown a complete game – easily.

I have to say that the Jays looked every bit like the last place team they are. Cecil pitched extremely well, but they have no real offense without Bautista and their defense was lackluster at best. Still, it’s teams like the Jays – division rivals we’ll be facing a zillion more times – that the Yanks have to beat. Over and over.

 

Yankees-Red Sox Game 4: Tell Me How It Ends

I stopped watching after Andruw Jones put us up 7-2. So I guess I’ll have to wait for the final outcome when I wake up tomorrow.

What a series for Jones. Did he get an infusion of Bartolo Colon’s magic plasma juice? Amazing how he kept coming up with the bombs.

Nova looked good tonight. Jeter looked good on offense, but what is up with his glove all of a sudden? That dropped pop up was a stunner, but he didn’t make another play or two. Maybe he was partying in Boston? He did have some sort of sore neck/shoulder.

The most bizarre thing that surfaced during the game was the escalating feud between Tex and Vincente Padilla. Padilla is such a loathsome character, never mind a sexist pig. I wish he’d just go away.

Anyhow, I hope the score holds up because I’d love to go into the All-Star break on a high note.

Speaking of which, unless there’s something amazing that happens during the break, I probably won’t post. I hate the Home Run Derby and have only a passing interest in the A-S Game itself.

Yankees-Red Sox 2 & 3: A Split

If the Yankees had to split the doubleheader, I sort of wish we’d lost the first game and won the second. That way I wouldn’t have to go to bed with visions of Cory Wade giving up runs.

But oh well. The first game was fun. I owe Sweaty Freddy a big apology for doubting him; he pitched great. And what a show by Andruw Jones, who has such an appealing smile and gave us plenty to smile about.

Hughes wasn’t bad in the nightcap but he wasn’t stellar, and he was victimized by some shoddy defense. And the bats fell silent after their initial flurry of activity (except for Jones again). It was as if they decided they’d had enough scoring and just left the ballpark.

You know who I enjoyed watching, aside from Jones? Cano. He made some plays – those throws where he slings the ball to first – that made me shake my head with awe.

You know who I didn’t enjoy watching (aside from Russell Martin who needs to go to the glue factory at this point and the above-mentioned Cory Wade)? Darnell McDonald. Dreadlocks or no dreadlocks, I think that experiment needs to end.

 

Yankees-Red Sox 2 & 3: A Split

If the Yankees had to split the doubleheader, I sort of wish we’d lost the first game and won the second. That way I wouldn’t have to go to bed with visions of Cory Wade giving up runs.

But oh well. The first game was fun. I owe Sweaty Freddy a big apology for doubting him; he pitched great. And what a show by Andruw Jones, who has such an appealing smile and gave us plenty to smile about.

Hughes wasn’t bad in the nightcap but he wasn’t stellar, and he was victimized by some shoddy defense. And the bats fell silent after their initial flurry of activity (except for Jones again). It was as if they decided they’d had enough scoring and just left the ballpark.

You know who I enjoyed watching, aside from Jones? Cano. He made some plays – those throws where he slings the ball to first – that made me shake my head with awe.

You know who I didn’t enjoy watching (aside from Russell Martin who needs to go to the glue factory at this point and the above-mentioned Cory Wade)? Darnell McDonald. Dreadlocks or no dreadlocks, I think that experiment needs to end.

 

That Was More Like It

Jeter was very Jeterian with his four hits, setting the tone for a tidy win over the O’s.

Big hand for Nova, who may have been the worst pitcher at spring training but has been the ace of the staff so far. If he keeps throwing like he did tonight, he’ll slide into the #2 spot and give Kuroda a shove down the ladder.

Andruw Jones belted one out. He’ll never inspire confidence in the outfield at this stage of his career, but he’s still got the power swing.

What was up with using Mo in the non-save situation? Did he really need the work? Or was he brought in to nail down the win? Either way, he got the job done but didn’t look comfortable doing it. If Gardner hadn’t caught that shot to end the game….Well, I won’t go there. I’m just saying that Mo isn’t Mo-ish yet.

I don’t get the YES postgame show, but there seems to have been a tiff between Martin and Andino over tipping pitches in the ninth inning. I don’t know how you “tip” Mo’s pitches – they’re all cutters – but there was definitely some yammering going on between the two. Will it carry over into tomorrow night’s game?

Photo: AP/Winslow Townson

Oh, wait. Wrong team.

 

Having My Cake And Eating It

When I heard that the Yankees were deciding whether to sign Raul Ibanez or Eric Chavez, I wanted Chavez. When I heard that they had picked Ibanez, I was bummed. But when I heard they had also brought back Chavez, I was thrilled.

Now, considering that a surgically repaired Andruw Jones is also on the roster, we’re stocked with veterans that can DH and play defense if necessary. I like how things have fallen into place. (I’ve decided not to even think about the Mo thing – for now anyway.) On paper, the Yankees look ready to compete big time.

While I Was Absent From This Blog…

…There wasn’t much going on in Yankeeville. Not for the entire holiday season. I’m still waiting for my front-of-the-rotation starter to show up, but in the meantime here’s a recap the “big” end-of-the-year stories:

1) Sweaty Freddy was re-signed.

AP Photo/The Canadian Press, Frank Gunn)

2) Smiling Andruw was re-signed.

3) My-Left-Arm Okajima was brought on board.

Courtesy: yankeesdaily.com

4) A-Rod went to a doctor in Germany on the advice of his guitar hero friend.

5) A-Rod and his freshly injected blood platelets jetted to Cabo with his new girlfriend.

5a) A former wrestler, Cameron Diaz’s replacement is rather….muscular.

6) Jeter and Minka said, “Oui oui,” and went to Paris for New Year’s.

Photo: splashnews/nypost

6a) Pssst, Derek. You took her to one of the most romantic places on earth. I hope you gave her one of these.

Photo: Tiffany

I Saw History! (With a P.S.)

I also bought a poncho for ten bucks. It was like wearing the kind of plastic bags you get at the dry cleaner, but it did keep me from getting totally soaked.

When Michael and I arrived at the Stadium at noon, it was raining and I never thought they’d play a complete game, given the forecast. The tarp was on the field, so we hung around the great hall and looked for Audrey and her friend. After texting each other, we met up in front of the Hard Rock Cafe. She came all the way from Vermont and I was thrilled to meet her.

Next, we went in search of food. We figured we had plenty of time to kill, so Michael had his Lobel’s sandwich and I opted for a Boar’s Head sub and eventually we went to our seats. We’d heard the game would start at 2:30 and we wanted to be ready.

As soon as we sat down in section 104, along came YankeeCase. It’s hard to see him because the background was so dark (the rain was picking up again and my She-Fan Cam was getting wet), but here he is in the flesh. Such a hunk, right?

Michael and I sat under our hoods and umbrella as the game started and the rain continued to fall. Hughes was just awful. I know he struck out batters, but he took forever to throw the damn ball and he couldn’t get Matsui out and we looked at each other and said, “It’s gonna be a loooong day.”

When the score was 7-1, we thought about bolting. We were wet and depressed and wondering why we’d bothered. And then YankeeCase texted me that the boys would be making a comeback. I wrote back, “You promise?” He said yes.

So we stayed. And I’m I glad I did. Wow. What a great, crazy, incredible game. Cano’s slam landed two rows in front of us. Martin had a career-type day. Granderson amazed everybody. Even Andruw Jones got in on the homer act. And it was so much fun sitting right behind Swisher and watching him play with the crowd throughout the game.

It never occurred to me that no team in major league history had ever had three grand slams in a game, so when the scoreboard posted the fact we were doubly happy we’d stayed.

I’m still shaking my head and we’ve been home for a couple of hours. Long day but an unforgettable one.

(I’m too euphoric to dwell about the state of our pitching except to say that Hughes really disappointed me. And I think the Cory Wade experiment needs to end.)

P.S. YankeeCase just sent me a pic that his cousin took of him after he went back to his seat. He’s wearing the “she-fan” button that Melissa (it WAS Melissa, right?) made last year. It says, “I confess. I read the she-fan blog.” Pretty great, huh?

What Are The Chances?

Two consecutive nights. Two disputed home run calls. The difference was that tonight’s shot by Morneau elicited a quick response from Girardi, who bounced out of the dugout to ask the umps to review the play. The other difference is that the correct call was made after the review and the homer was nullified. Gardenhire was not amused.

Silly of him to get tossed in the first inning, but whatever.

Despite getting the win, CC is worrying me. He had periods tonight when he settled down, but he was getting hit hard. Coming off his last two surprisingly bad outings, he was not inspiring confidence the way he usually does. If there’s something off with his mechanics, I really wish he and Rothschild would figure out what it is. If he’s hurt (please no), I hope he tells somebody and gets it fixed.

I enjoyed the home run derby by Jones, Tex and Swisher, and Jeter and Granderson continued to impress at the plate. If Grandy isn’t a solid choice for MVP, I don’t know who is.

Nunez committed another error, which is not exactly breaking news. (On twitter his nickname is NunEEEEE.) While I appreciate his bat and his speed, I’m really looking forward to A-Rod at third.

The Twins have to wonder what they need to do to beat the Yankees. I hope they keep wondering throughout this series.

The Yankees Won (Yay) But I Lost (My Mind)

I missed the game today.

I could lie and say it was because I had an extremely important social engagement.

I could make up an excuse about not feeling well.

I could pretend I was kidnapped and held captive in a room without a TV.

But I can’t do it. So I’ll tell the truth and admit that the reason I missed the game was because I’m a dumb blonde.

(courtesy: jessgiggles.wordpress.com)

When I saw that the game was on at 4 pm, I thought that meant 4 pm PACIFIC TIME, because, after all, the games out here on the west coast have been later. So I sat around the house all day, waiting for 4 o’clock. About 3:59, I turned on the TV and gasped. They were in the 9th inning and the Yanks were about to win it 7-1!

Oh, well. It sounds like CC was fabulous, not only holding down the Mariners but giving the bullpen a breather.

And good for Swisher getting that homer. Nice day for Andruw Jones too, which probably spells the end for Jorge as a DH against lefties. Apparently, everybody in the starting lineup had a hit. I’m happy, obviously. I’m just sorry I didn’t see the fun, especially after suffering through the last couple of losses.

But enough whining. I now have a few unexpected hours to kill. I think I’ll go browsing on my On Demand cable channel and find a movie or two to watch. Could be worse.

Happy July 4th tomorrow.

Oh, wait. It’s Memorial Day.

(Just kidding. I’m not that bad.)

P.S. I went to see “Surf Dog” at his hot dog stand yesterday, and he gave me an earful about the Yankees. I’ll post the video tomorrow night.

A Lovely Day In The Bronx

Friend of the Blog John sent the above photo earlier. His kids were at the game, and from what I can tell it was a perfect day for baseball. I can almost smell the hot dogs (or the Lobel’s sandwiches) here in California.

I watched portions of the game, as I tried to squeeze in a little work, but I saw enough to know the following:

  1. Garcia gave us another excellent performance. (Who would have thought he’d be this consistent? Raise your hand.)
  2. Granderson must be spritzing himself with Holy Water. He’s receiving some kind of divine intervention.
  3. Andruw Jones lives! His homers were not cheapies!
  4. Tex appears to have his stroke back. Now it’s time for him to go on an absolute tear.
  5. Joba made me nervous in the 8th, but no damage.
  6. Clap clap clap for Mo and his 1,000th appearance and here’s to 2,000. (OK, 1,500.)
  7. Poor Jo-Jo Reyes. He can’t buy a win. Maybe he should change his name. Jo-Jo rhymes with this.
Photo: willa dios/pbbase.com

The Yankees won another series, and I’m a happy camper. I’m so happy that I’m not even flinching as I post something about the Red Sox. Well, about Red Sox fans. Remember the Nine More Outs guys? They’re the comedy troupe that goes to different ballparks posing as that team’s fans and then making videos about the experience. For their latest adventure they went to Fenway and pretended to be Yankee haters. More specifically, Jeter haters. Here’s the video. Don’t watch it if violence against stuffed animals is disturbing to you. (But do hang around for the last line of the video with the woman saying…Never mind, you’ll see.)

Bartolo Is Like A Fine Wine

(courtesy: dobianchi.com)

He seems to get better with age. He’s certainly more robust.

Photo: Al Bello/Getty Images North America

Who cares if he has three chins? Not me. He pitched like a dream tonight against the Jays – just the start we haven’t been able to get out of anyone except CC. He ran out of gas at the end there, but did anyone seriously expect him to last as long as he did? No dead arm on his bod. He was terrific, mostly.

And how about that offense from Tex, Grandy and Martin, in particular? Andruw Jones didn’t exactly impress in his at bats, but he made a really nice catch in left and gave Gardner a night to contemplate – I don’t know – the art of the bunt? I’d like to be able to say, “Wow. How great was Jeter,” but it’s still not happening for the captain. Not yet. But it will. It will. Right, people?

Soriano gave me a heart attack with the leadoff walk in the ninth, but I figured he’d be okay in that dome. After all, it’s not all that different from the Trop where he never had to worry about catching cold.

P.S. Now that MLB has taken control of the Dodgers (poor Donnie), how long before Selig announces that Torre will be the team’s interim chief? Any bets?

The Top 10 Things I Learned Tonight

Ready?

  1. I still hate it when the Yankees lose in extra innings, even though it’s only April 5th.
  2. This team is capable of losing even when CC pitches a masterpiece.
  3. Andruw Jones might work out after all.
  4. Tex’s early-season offense is no fluke.
  5. Rafael Soriano cannot pitch in consecutive games, apparently.
  6. Boone Logan cannot pitch at all, apparently.
  7. Dave Robertson is the forgotten man in the pen, apparently.
  8. Luis Ayala is the guy Joe will go to when there’s no one else, apparently.
  9. Jeter got a hit, bringing his total to 2929, but it wasn’t the hit we needed.
  10. We are not Joe Nathan’s Daddy.

Yes, this was a tough one to swallow – literally. I was trying to eat dinner while the game went into extras and it wasn’t easy choking down the food while the Yankees coughed up the lead. With Garcia going tomorrow night and the bullpen used to the max tonight, who will pitch in the later innings besides Joba?

You really have to win games when your ace is on the mound, Yankees. Your bad. And enough with the homers. Let’s try getting some hits, which is how you create rallies.

For some reason this game really made my head explode.

(Courtesy: sodahead.com)

Update: I’m adding the 11th thing I learned tonight: Soriano doesn’t stay and talk to the media after games he blows.

"You Just Can't Predict Baseball"

I know. That’s John Sterling’s favorite line. But as I was reading about the latest developments in Yankeeville, I couldn’t help utter the same words myself.

By the time I wake up tomorrow morning, Girardi will have already announced his roster for breaking camp, or so I assume. Judging by the buzz among the beat writers, it sounds like:

  • Nova is our #4 pitcher.
  • Garcia slots in at #5.
  • Colon goes to the pen in long relief.
  • Nunez gets the reserve job instead of Pena.
  • Gustavo Molina is the backup catcher, not Jesus Montero.

Could anybody have predicted the above? Well, except for Nova? Seriously, didn’t Ramiro Pena have the infield job locked up before Nunez beat him out? Wasn’t Montero the second coming of Joe Mauer while Molina was the so-so, non-Molina-brother catcher? Wasn’t Garcia supposed to be a long shot to make the rotation? And how about Eric Chavez? I remember writing on this very blog that I was excited about him coming off the bench, and lots of people said, “Forget it. He’s always injured. He won’t give you anything.”And yet look at the spring training he’s had, including his first ST homer in tonight’s game. Yes, I like Jorge Vazquez and I hope we’ll see him in the Bronx one of these days, but Chavez has such a good glove.

It’s all coming together. I’m still not crazy about Andruw Jones and I honestly don’t know what his contribution will be, but things could look a lot different in another month or two.

Meanwhile, the rehearsals are winding down and the show is about to start….Any day now.

“You Just Can’t Predict Baseball”

I know. That’s John Sterling’s favorite line. But as I was reading about the latest developments in Yankeeville, I couldn’t help utter the same words myself.

By the time I wake up tomorrow morning, Girardi will have already announced his roster for breaking camp, or so I assume. Judging by the buzz among the beat writers, it sounds like:

  • Nova is our #4 pitcher.
  • Garcia slots in at #5.
  • Colon goes to the pen in long relief.
  • Nunez gets the reserve job instead of Pena.
  • Gustavo Molina is the backup catcher, not Jesus Montero.

Could anybody have predicted the above? Well, except for Nova? Seriously, didn’t Ramiro Pena have the infield job locked up before Nunez beat him out? Wasn’t Montero the second coming of Joe Mauer while Molina was the so-so, non-Molina-brother catcher? Wasn’t Garcia supposed to be a long shot to make the rotation? And how about Eric Chavez? I remember writing on this very blog that I was excited about him coming off the bench, and lots of people said, “Forget it. He’s always injured. He won’t give you anything.”And yet look at the spring training he’s had, including his first ST homer in tonight’s game. Yes, I like Jorge Vazquez and I hope we’ll see him in the Bronx one of these days, but Chavez has such a good glove.

It’s all coming together. I’m still not crazy about Andruw Jones and I honestly don’t know what his contribution will be, but things could look a lot different in another month or two.

Meanwhile, the rehearsals are winding down and the show is about to start….Any day now.

I Forgot About Our Offense

With all the talk about the competition for the back end of the rotation, the additions to our bullpen and the terrific trio of rookie pitchers, I’ve been ignoring the fact that we need to score runs too. Which is why the homers by Russell Martin and Andruw Jones today gave me a lift.

Photo: Tim Thompson/CORBIS

When you really think about it, the 2011 Yankees will score a lot of runs. They’re bound to. Even if Jeter doesn’t have a bounce back year (and he will), even if Tex gets off to another slow start (and he won’t), even if Cano gives the impression that last year was a fluke (not going to happen), there will be runs. And runs. The regulars will provide them. The subs – whether Chavez or Nunez or Vazquez – will provide them. Our new DH, who is taking his demotion very gracefully, btw, will provide them. For a change I’m just not worried about Yankeeville. Or is it that I’ve just had a really nice glass of this with my dinner?

Follow Me!

  • Jane Heller on Goodreads
  • Jane Heller on Pinterest
  • Jane Heller on Facebook
  • Jane Heller on Twitter

Get in touch!

I’d love to hear from you! Contact me!

About Jane Heller

Jane Heller is a New York Times and USA Today bestselling author. Her fourteen breezy, witty novels of romantic comedy and suspense are now entertaining millions of readers around the world, along with her two books of nonfiction.