Jane Heller

New York Times and USA Today Bestselling Author

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A Rant About Chainsaws. Yes, Chainsaws.

October 13, 2011

I’m a writer. I like my peace and quiet. I need my peace and quiet. I can’t think/focus/create when there’s one of the following noises:

  1. Barking dog.
  2. Garbage truck backing up.
  3. Air conditioner thumping.
  4. TV on in another room.
  5. Anybody talking anywhere.

I’ve been blessed (or cursed, depending on your perspective) with freakishly good hearing. Michael insists I could hear a bird shit in the woods of, say, Australia. I’m sensitive to sounds of all sorts, true enough, but the one sound that drives me absolutely insane is the buzz of a chainsaw.

When did this object of torture become the instrument of choice by gardeners and landscapers? I know it’s been around for years, but it just seems as if a day – no, make that an early morning – doesn’t go by without me throwing up my hands in frustration when I hear that thing going off. Can’t anybody do any work by hand? Must they pollute my quietude by firing up their chainsaws and destroying my concentration? Can’t the manufacturers produce a chainsaw that doesn’t break eardrums, the same way car companies have taken down the noise level of engines, as in hybrids?

Right this minute, as I type this, a neighbor’s chainsaw is sawing right through my brain. I’m dying to walk over and stomp on the thing, but I’m way too well-mannered. Sadly.

 

 

Filed Under: Lifestyle, Mainly Jane Tagged With: chainsaws, gardeners, landscapers

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About Jane Heller

Jane Heller is a New York Times and USA Today bestselling author. Her fourteen breezy, witty novels of romantic comedy and suspense are now entertaining millions of readers around the world, along with her two books of nonfiction.

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