Jane Heller

New York Times and USA Today Bestselling Author

Scary Movies For Halloween

It doesn’t take much to be spooked when Halloween comes around. Every channel in the TV lineup has been showing horror flicks for the past week, and I’ve succumbed.

The other night I was on TCM and watched the campy 1964 Joan Crawford movie “Strait-Jacket.”

I’ve seen the movie a dozen times, but even though I know how it ends I still freak out during the big finale with Diane Baker. “Strait-Jacket” was one of a string of films that came out after the success of “What Ever Happened to Baby Jane” and featured stars who were past their prime. I love them all – from “Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte” to “The Nanny.”

Tonight I tuned in to IFC and “The Shining” was on.

What a dud. Talk about over the top, not to mention an hour too long. Stephen King’s book deserved much better than this self-important Kubrick bomb that made me wonder how Jack Nicholson’s career ever recovered from it; Shelley Duvall’s sure didn’t.

 

 

 

"Mildred Pierce" Miniseries: All Style, No Substance

(Courtesy: HBO)

I’ve already professed my love for the Joan Crawford movie version of the James M. Cain novel, but now that I’ve seen the first installment of HBO’s miniseries I can say without equivocation: Why mess with a good thing?

The Crawford movie had a compelling story with a fast pace and character actors who spoke snappy dialogue. The miniseries? Talk about a snooze. I don’t care how deliriously the critics raved. I nearly drifted off several times, because there was nothing keeping me interested.

Kate Winslet is always terrific, but she’s so one-note here, so frumpy in her brown dresses and brown accessories, so hard to like, that I missed Mommie Dearest Joan Crawford much more than I expected to. The music that drones on in the background is annoying. The supporting actors mumble their lines, especially the guy who plays Wally. And the kid who plays Vida as a young girl is nothing special.

Maybe my attitude will change once Mildred’s restaurant takes off, her relationship with Monty goes south and the grown-up Vida becomes more of a sinister presence, but I may not even watch next Sunday night. That’s how turned off I was. Bummer.

Why Must Every Movie Be Remade/Rebooted/Rewhatever-ed?

The other day I read that Clint Eastwood will be directing a new version of “A Star Is Born.” Oh, and he’s cast Beyonce in the role of the woman whose talent eclipses that of her husband’s. Maybe you’ve watched the original with Janet Gaynor and Frederic March. Or maybe you’re a fan of the Judy Garland/James Mason version. (I’m raising my hand here; I love, love, love that one.) Or maybe you fell for Barbra Streisand and Kris Kristofferson as the star-crossed lovers. My question is…Does the world really need yet another retelling of this story, which makes me cry every single damn time I watch it?

(Movie trailers sure were overheated in those days, weren’t they?)

Now HBO is committing the ultimate sacrilege when they unveil their remake of one of my all-time favorite oldies, “Mildred Pierce.” My husband Michael hates Joan Crawford and we argue about this movie whenever it’s on TCM (he says she looks like a drag queen), but I think she was terrific in it. I’ve seen it so many times I can recite almost every line of dialogue.

HBO’s “Mildred Pierce” won’t be a feature film but rather a mini-series that will air in March. I have great respect for Kate Winslet as an actress, but I just can’t picture her as Mildred. Cannot. And I’m trying, believe me.

See what I mean? The mini-series just seems – I don’t know – artificial, as if director Todd Haynes was trying to imitate the look and feel of the original only with more bells and whistles. I’m sure I’ll tune in the night it debuts, but I suspect that I’ll mutter throughout: “Why couldn’t they have left well enough alone.”

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About Jane Heller

Jane Heller is a New York Times and USA Today bestselling author. Her fourteen breezy, witty novels of romantic comedy and suspense are now entertaining millions of readers around the world, along with her two books of nonfiction.