Jane Heller

New York Times and USA Today Bestselling Author

Who Doesn't Love A Wedding?

Last night I went to the wedding reception for my author friend Gayle Lynds (check out her web site over on the links list) and the wonderful man she met and fell for via Facebook, of all places. It was such a happy occasion and everybody at the party was in a festive mood. In particular, I had a blast hanging out with Kate Schwab, who was a VP of marketing at Borders here in SoCal before the company went down the toilet. We were both a little wine-impaired.

Speaking of weddings, I LOVE the T-Mobile commercial featuring the royal look-alikes dancing down the aisle.

The woman who impersonates Camilla Parker-Bowles is such a dead ringer for the real thing that I had to watch the video twice just to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating.

The whole craze of people dancing down the aisle at their wedding, which began with the couple dancing to Chris Brown’s “Forever,” makes me wish I could have a do-over. I’d totally dance down the aisle at my wedding. The only problem is Michael, who hates dancing and would probably stand there looking mortified.

 

 

Michael Goes To Jury Duty: The Short Version

Photo: attydc.com

I don’t know how jury duty works in other states, but here’s what happens in California. You get a summons in the mail to appear on a certain date. The night before, you call a number and a recording instructs you whether or not to show up the next morning. If they say you don’t have to go to court, you call again the next night….and the next…and the next…until you’re either told to report or excused. In other words, instead of making people show up and sit around for a week, they only make you show up if the recording tells you to.

Last week the recording told Michael he had to show up. He said the security at the courthouse was tighter than at any airport. He said the case in question was a woman who’d been arrested for a DUI after being stopped at a check point and failing a breath test. He said it took three full days for the defense attorney to interview him.

“Do you have a friend or family member who’s ever been arrested for a DUI?” the attorney asked him, just as he’d asked all the other potential jurors.

“Yes,” said Michael, thinking of a family member very near and dear to us. “He served six months in jail and now has to deal with having a prison record. Drinking and driving ruined his life.”

The defense attorney had Michael dismissed from the jury pool immediately.

But not before he asked Michael another question: “What does your wife do for a living?”

“She’s an author.”

“Of what sort of books?”

“Romantic comedies.”

At this point, the judge himself interjected and said with a laugh, “Can she get me a deal at Borders before it closes?”

Michael was a bit surprised, but came back with a snappy retort of his own. “No, but she has copies in our garage. Come on over and I bet she’ll help you out.”

The judge cracked up. So did everybody else in the court room.

I hope I can be just an entertaining when it’s my turn to serve.

It's Spring? Really? Really?

I called my mother in New York today to wish her a Happy Spring. She said the weather was beautiful there.

“How is it in sunny California?” she asked.

“Not sunny or spring like,” I said.

I didn’t want to worry her, but we’re getting hit by a Pacific winter storm that’s causing major flooding, mudslides and cold enough temps for snow in some areas. Our street has a creek that’s usually just a trickle of water. Right now it’s a rushing river and there’s no way a car should be anywhere near it. As a result, the road is essentially closed. We do have an emergency escape route that we use in case of a wildfire, but there’s a slide along that part of the road and I wouldn’t go near it either.

We’re stuck here, in other words. We could get 11 inches of rain by tomorrow morning, and then another storm is supposed to roll in on Wednesday and still another on Friday.

The good news is we haven’t lost our electricity – yet. I’m grateful for that as I know others who aren’t so lucky. I’m planning to curl up tonight with the Agassi book I’ve been reading (he’s about to marry Brooke Shields), and my Sunday night lineup of television.

Sometimes, enforced laziness isn’t the worst thing in the world, especially for a compulsive worker like me.

Oh, one more thing. In January I wrote about our downtown Santa Barbara Borders store closing. At the time I was mildly heartened by the fact that the chain was keeping the Goleta store open, which is just another 15 minutes away. Now I find out they’re closing that one too. Soooo depressing.

I Did It. I Crossed Over.

(Courtesy: Galley Cat)

I feel traitorous for having bought a Kindle the same week that I was moaning about Borders’ bankruptcy, but it had to happen. Not only was I curious about e-readers after so many people had written to me saying they had just downloaded this book or that book of mine, but also I thought that owning a little device would be practical for me. I buy a lot of books, both for pleasure and research. My local independent store doesn’t always have what I need in stock and my Borders has closed, as I’ve mentioned. I can order from amazon but I hate paying those shipping costs, and who wants to wait for the books to arrive?

So now I’ve joined the club and will be purchasing my very first e-book soon. Of course, there’s one tiny problem. I don’t know how to “work” a Kindle. I’m not especially tech savvy, so this should be interesting. I’m assuming you just order the book, it appears on your screen and you hit “Read?”

I didn’t think so. OK, so maybe it comes with a manual. Or more likely there are instructions on amazon’s site. I hope the thing is waterproof. It’s supposed to be delivered outside my door tomorrow and we’ve got a 99% chance of rain. Maybe I should have ordered one of those snazzy cases for it.

(Courtesy: geeksugar.com)

Sad About Borders

I keep meaning to write about this, but I guess I’ve been blocking it out. So here goes. Yes, it’s about Borders Books.

(Photo: Daily Sound/Victor Maccharoli)

It was gut-wrenching enough when our store in downtown Santa Barbara closed last month, but now the company is preparing to file for bankruptcy? Not really a surprise since they haven’t been paying their bills, but I really hoped it wouldn’t come to bankruptcy and re-structuring and closing stores and laying off people and….Well, what it means is that there will be fewer brick-and-mortar stores where readers can find the books they want to read.

Don’t get me wrong. Independent bookstores are wonderful. Libraries are essential. Amazon and other online retailers are convenient. But one less chain is not a good thing for the book business – or for us authors.

Besides, I always liked Borders. I remember when one of my publishers flew me to their headquarters in Ann Arbor to meet with their buyers, who were all book people as opposed to bean counters. They were young and well-read and didn’t treat me like an interloper. They cared about my opinion and said flattering things about my novels and didn’t sit there judging whether a particular book cover should have a different background color. In other words, they weren’t full of themselves the way I’d always found the Barnes & Noble executives to be.

Before I became a writer of books, I actually worked for Borders as a freelancer writer and promoter – only the company wasn’t Borders then. It was Waldenbooks and they were based in Stamford, CT. I used to interview authors for their consumer newsletters and come up with articles about various genres. Walden stores were small stores, like B. Dalton stores, and they stocked mostly just the bestsellers. Then Borders came along and bought Walden and everything changed – for the better, I thought.

But now look. Barnes & Noble is said to be eying Borders for a possible merger. How would I feel about that prospect?

(Images.com/CORBIS)

Yeah, that’s how. I’ve never been wild about putting all my eggs in one basket, so to speak. We need Borders to get healthy again so they can function on their own. I’m rooting for them. Clap clap clap.

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About Jane Heller

Jane Heller is a New York Times and USA Today bestselling author. Her fourteen breezy, witty novels of romantic comedy and suspense are now entertaining millions of readers around the world, along with her two books of nonfiction.