I went out with a friend for drinks this afternoon, so I managed to avoid most of what turned out to be the latest fiasco. It was still a close game when I got home in the 7th inning, but that little bomb Cory Wade gave up put things out of reach for the Yankees’ non-existent offense.

Wow. They’re bad. Not every opposing pitcher is Sandy Koufax, so what’s the problem? Yes, tonight’s hurler was an unknown and we know how much trouble they have with unknowns. But still. What is the problem?

In the past when the team has gone into a collective slump, I’ve said, “Well, it’s cold.” Or: “Well, they’re banged up.” Or even: “Well, these things happen.” But now? Other than Tex’s respiratory issues, what’s the excuse?

I guess I could chalk it up to the month of May; if memory serves the Yankees don’t hit in May. At least that’s what happened in 2007 when I was writing the “She-Fan” book. They rallied and came on strong in June and beyond. Maybe the pattern will repeat itself.

Meanwhile, Hughes pitched well enough to win. I guess we should be grateful for that.

I usually stick it out till the end, even when the Yankees are way behind, but tonight felt like a waste of my time. There was nothing about the game against the Jays in Toronto that held my interest or made me care. Nothing. Not Kuroda, whose pitches were like giant orbs begging to be smacked, and not the hitters, who seem incapable of generating runs with men in scoring position.

The Yankees are stuck right now. They just are.

Can Kuroda adjust to the American League? Will the offense figure out how to score runs the way we know they can? The answer is “yes” to the latter but “maybe not” to the former.

Losing a few games isn’t the end of the world, but the truth is the Yankees are just not fun to watch right now.

But just so I won’t be a downer for everyone, here’s a little clip courtesy of Jimmy Kimmel – and Chan Ho Park, of course. (Notice Mo off to the left. He’s laughing. He can’t help it.)

I’m talking about the Yankees and their peek-a-boo offense. Sometimes you see it and sometimes you don’t. Tonight was evidence of the latter. Where was it hiding? Was the O’s pitcher really that good or were our boys just in a hurry to get back to New York? So odd how meekly they went down one after the other.

And then there was CC. I was finishing my afternoon beach walk when the game started at 4 o’clock here, so I was listening to John and Suzyn on my iPhone for the first inning before switching to TV. John kept saying how CC had shaken off his slow start to the season and really come around. Oh yeah? He came around all right – throwing balls the Orioles hitters had no problem knocking around. He wasn’t bad, as in AJ bad, but he wasn’t very ace-like.

His valet catcher wasn’t helpful either, not when Sweaty Freddy was on the mound. I think the Chris Stewart Experiment might need a re-evaluation.

I know I sound crabby but with Robertson on the DL, along with those I need not mention, things are feeling a little precarious right now. Girardi seemed testy too, didn’t he? I think the injuries are getting to him, whether he admits it or not.

Tonight felt like a bad dream. Yes, the Yankees beat the Orioles, but what in the world is happening to our pitchers? Are they made of glass?

First Nova, who’d been having a rocky outing even before he took a comebacker off his leg and then rolled his ankle, ended up with contusions and sprains. God knows how long he’ll be out.

Then Rapada, who didn’t last long in relief, had to be helped down the dugout stairs and left because of a viral infection. Swell.

And then, when Soriano came in to close instead of Robertson and I wondered why, I read on Twitter that D-Rob has been feeling soreness in his side/ribs and is going for an MRI.

This is crazy! We’ve already lost Joba and Mo (check out the song parody about him in the previous post if you haven’t already), not to mention Pineda, Campos, Feliciano and probably others I’m not thinking of right now. We went from having too much pitching to not having enough, and it’s scary.

On a positive note, we had offense from Tex tonight. Woohoo. I was worried about him playing in the rain down in Baltimore, given his bronchial problems, but he showed signs of life at the plate. So did A-Rod. I wasn’t wild about Jeter hitting into two double plays, which, combined with the two in yesterday’s game, means four GIDPs in two days. But you can’t have everything.

“Don’t stop relievin’.” Couldn’t have said it better myself.

ny1.com

I don’t know what I was expecting. Well, that’s not true. What I expected was the rousing reception Pettitte got and some rust from his not having pitched in the majors for over a year. Both were the case. I also worried that he would be wild. While he did give up walks, he threw plenty of strikes. It was just those damn home run balls that did him in. So I’d rate his performance as good, considering his absence from the game, but I’m hoping he can do better – much better.

He certainly didn’t get much offensive help from his teammates. I mean seriously. Kevin Millwood?

Every time the Yanks loaded the bases, they’d blow it – not counting the walks that accounted for the two runs.

Rapada’s acrobatics didn’t help matters.

And then there was Swisher’s bonehead move in the ninth. How does a seasoned player, even one with an overly enthusiastic attitude, allow himself to get thrown out at third in that situation? I cringed.

I wasn’t happy with Tex either until I heard that he’s still having trouble breathing and can’t stop coughing, despite the prednisone. Why he waited so long to see a doctor is beyond me, but I’m not his mother or his wife so I’ll shut up about it. Should Joe drop him in the order? The skipper said he won’t. I don’t see why not – just until he starts hitting.

To sum up, we won the series against the Mariners and that’s what counts. And we have Andy back – a proven winner who should only improve with more time on the mound.

If you’d told me that Kuroda would outduel Hernandez, I might have raised an eyebrow. But it happened. After what seemed like an endless 1-1 tie, the Yankees broke through and dethroned the King, thanks to Ibanez’s latest blast, speaking of surprises. I was down on Raul’s signing in the beginning of the season, but he’s making me a believer.

Cano is on a total roll now – both at the plate and in the field. It’s like someone waved a magic wand over him and turned him back into the superstar we know he is.

The bullpen was great too, right down the line.

But the star of the night was Kuroda. No, the Mariners aren’t much on offense. And Kuroda does seem to have first inning problems. But he was pitching to major league hitters and he shut them down – the definition of a good outing.

I went out for dinner with Dodger fan friends after the game and was happy to tell them that their former battery mates, Kuroda and Martin, would have made them proud.

Yup, Eduardo Scissorhands was in full view tonight. Those errors in the first couple of innings were painful to watch, especially the second one. I actually wondered on that throw if he was suffering from the Chuck Knoblauch Syndrome. He received pats on the back from his teammates in the dugout, but seriously. How long can he play third? (Or second? Or short?) And why is A-Rod DH-ing so often? (That’s another story; don’t get me started.) Clearly, Nunez has a nice bat and can run the bases. But just as clearly he’s not the guy I want out there when CC is pitching and doing his best to be efficient with his pitch count.

Now, onto the good news.

CC was a beast.

At first I thought he might get hit hard – his pitches were up – but he totally settled in and dominated, and was the essence of an ace.

Cano was the Cano we’ve come to know and love. He’s back. He looks great at the plate, just great, and not a moment too soon.

Soriano took command in the ninth even after pitching on consecutive days. I liked it.

And here’s another piece of good news: Chris Stewart always does something good with his appearances. Girardi can say all he wants that Stewart isn’t CC’s personal catcher, but who cares? Why not let the two of them continue their partnership if it’s working? Martin’s a big boy. He can handle it.

Of course, the news that Gardner has re-injured himself isn’t good news at all. It stinks. I don’t want to see Ibanez in the outfield – ever – and even Jones makes me nervous. I really like Dewayne Wise though.

Good, solid series win for the Yanks against a division rival. I’m happy right now.

Photo: US Presswire

Okay, he was bound to blow a save. Mo blew saves early in his career as a closer. Still, when Robertson loaded the bases in the ninth I said, “You’re not always going to be able to get out of jams. You need to stop doing that.”

Actually, I wasn’t quite as charitable in the privacy of my own home. But as I yelled at the TV, I remembered Mo’s press conference earlier in the day when he told the media he yelled at the TV too. (He’s one of us! He’s a regular fan! He’s human!)

Speaking of Mo, I have to wonder about the blood clot that turned out to be the “complication” his agent mentioned. It’s possible that it was the result of the knee trauma, but it’s also possible it had been lurking in his calf for awhile. He was damn lucky he was getting the leg examined or the clot could have traveled elsewhere. The players do an awful lot of sitting in confined spaces – from airplanes to dugouts/bullpens. I’m just glad he’s being treated by professionals now.

Back to the game, this one was a killer. I get that the Yanks were facing a tough pitcher, but oh did they have chances. I’m looking forward to having Gardner back. Maybe he can shake things up.

Phelps did a more than credible job after his shaky first inning, and the bullpen was great – until the end. Sigh. Michael Kay said on YES something to the effect of: “Now Yankee fans will understand what the other teams go through with their closers.” Excuse me? Like we didn’t understand or appreciate what we had in Mo? A ridiculous statement, Kay.

And while I’m on the subject of our broadcasters, did anyone else listen to the game on the MLB At Bat app? I was taking a walk during the early innings and listened to John and Suzyn/WCBS on my phone. Suddenly, they were gone – and replaced by the YES feed. Then, just as suddenly, I heard John yell, “What’s going on!” And then Suzyn yelled, “Am I on the air?” It was hilarious because they had no idea that they were, in fact, on the air via their cellphones. Apparently, there was a power outage in the press box, and it made for some very unscripted and very entertaining minutes.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t yell at the TV in the top of the ninth: “I don’t want Robertson! I want Mo!” But I sat back and hoped D-Rob would earn his new job – and he did. Still, if he’s planning to load the bases every time he pitches, it’s going to be a very long season.

Soriano scares me even more. That wild pitch could have been tragic, allowing the Rays to inch closer. But he was victimized by some questionable ball/strike calls, if you ask me. (Does anybody else find Jim Joyce’s loud voice incredibly annoying?)

Big night for Ibanez with the two homers, and I never thought I’d be saying that.

And – wait for it – Nunez didn’t make an error in left field. Joy!

Nova pitched as if he had visions of Pettitte swiping his spot in the rotation. Well, maybe not, but he was really good, whatever his motivation.

Not to place too much emphasis on one win, but I think tonight was an important one. Notching Game 1 of any series is significant, but doing it against Shields and the red-hot Rays was especially nice.