Jane Heller

New York Times and USA Today Bestselling Author

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Confessions of a She-Fan

My Yankees-centric musings about baseball – the spawn of my Confessions of a She-Fan book, which is now a screenplay too.

Pretty Soon It'll Seem Like Old Times

January 14, 2011


(courtesy AP Photo/Winslow Townson)


ESPN announced their lineup of Sunday night games the other day, and their second one of the season – the April 10th contest – will be Yankees/Red Sox at Fenway. I realize it’s still January but seeing that actual games will be played on actual dates makes the start of the 2011 campaign seem more real, doesn’t it? Like it’s really happening? It does to me.

Of course, while certain aspects of Yankees-Red Sox will seem like old times (the “Yankee suck” chants, the lusty boos for A-Rod and Tex, the presence of familiar villains like Pedroia and Youkilis), it’ll be interesting to see how newcomers Crawford and Gonzalez play into The Rivalry. And it’ll be weird not to have Joe Morgan and Jon Miller to kick around anymore.

The good news is that spring really is around the corner, despite this photo that Friend of the Blog John (aka ooaooa) sent me of his picturesque, snow-covered backyard. Gotta love his taste in barns.


Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: Adrian Gonzalez, Carl Crawford, ESPN, Joe Morgan, Jon Miller, Red Sox, Yankees

Pretty Soon It’ll Seem Like Old Times

January 14, 2011


(courtesy AP Photo/Winslow Townson)


ESPN announced their lineup of Sunday night games the other day, and their second one of the season – the April 10th contest – will be Yankees/Red Sox at Fenway. I realize it’s still January but seeing that actual games will be played on actual dates makes the start of the 2011 campaign seem more real, doesn’t it? Like it’s really happening? It does to me.

Of course, while certain aspects of Yankees-Red Sox will seem like old times (the “Yankee suck” chants, the lusty boos for A-Rod and Tex, the presence of familiar villains like Pedroia and Youkilis), it’ll be interesting to see how newcomers Crawford and Gonzalez play into The Rivalry. And it’ll be weird not to have Joe Morgan and Jon Miller to kick around anymore.

The good news is that spring really is around the corner, despite this photo that Friend of the Blog John (aka ooaooa) sent me of his picturesque, snow-covered backyard. Gotta love his taste in barns.


Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: Adrian Gonzalez, Carl Crawford, ESPN, Joe Morgan, Jon Miller, Red Sox, Yankees

Maybe I’m Psychic?

January 13, 2011

(courtesy Lucknet.com)

Well? I did predict unequivocally that the Yankees would sign Rafael Soriano despite Cashman’s statement that he would not give up a draft pick, didn’t I? Yes, I did. On January 8th, I wrote:

“I predict that the Yanks will, indeed, end up signing Rafael Soriano….Despite Cashman’s comments about staying “in-house” for the eighth inning and trying to avoid an expensive LaTroy Hawkins/Kyle Farnsworth-type flop, Soriano is no Hawkins/Farnsworth. He’d fit the bill just fine.”

Now the deal is reportedly done and Soriano will be in pinstripes after all. Is it a perfect signing? No deal is perfect. We lose the draft pick. We risk being stuck with a guy who’s been injured. We paid (or, rather, overpaid). And, according to Paul Lebowitz, we’re getting a reliever who “gacks up” big games. But I’m happy right now. Cashman is alive and well and taking action, as opposed to watching every available player land with another team. Our bullpen will be stronger with Soriano than without him. He gives Girardi more flexibility as a bridge to Mo or even as a substitute for Mo (God needs his rest too). It’s not our money, it’s the Steinbrenners’. And maybe this Hot Stove move will lead to others, just like when I shop online for one item and end up buying way more.

(courtesy supereco.com)

Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: Brian Cashman, Kyle Farnsworth, LaTroy Hawkins, Mariano Rivera, Rafael Soriano, Yankees

Maybe I'm Psychic?

January 13, 2011

(courtesy Lucknet.com)

Well? I did predict unequivocally that the Yankees would sign Rafael Soriano despite Cashman’s statement that he would not give up a draft pick, didn’t I? Yes, I did. On January 8th, I wrote:

“I predict that the Yanks will, indeed, end up signing Rafael Soriano….Despite Cashman’s comments about staying “in-house” for the eighth inning and trying to avoid an expensive LaTroy Hawkins/Kyle Farnsworth-type flop, Soriano is no Hawkins/Farnsworth. He’d fit the bill just fine.”

Now the deal is reportedly done and Soriano will be in pinstripes after all. Is it a perfect signing? No deal is perfect. We lose the draft pick. We risk being stuck with a guy who’s been injured. We paid (or, rather, overpaid). And, according to Paul Lebowitz, we’re getting a reliever who “gacks up” big games. But I’m happy right now. Cashman is alive and well and taking action, as opposed to watching every available player land with another team. Our bullpen will be stronger with Soriano than without him. He gives Girardi more flexibility as a bridge to Mo or even as a substitute for Mo (God needs his rest too). It’s not our money, it’s the Steinbrenners’. And maybe this Hot Stove move will lead to others, just like when I shop online for one item and end up buying way more.

(courtesy supereco.com)

Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: Brian Cashman, Kyle Farnsworth, LaTroy Hawkins, Mariano Rivera, Rafael Soriano, Yankees

Don't Call Us, We'll Call You

January 12, 2011

“Pettitte is choosing not to pitch in 2011, but the Yankees are — as they’ve been all winter — waiting for Pettitte to let them know something official. He’s leaning toward retirement, and he’ll let them know if that situation changes.”

This was courtesy of the LoHud Yankees blog today. I realize there’s been no news in Yankeeville, but the Pettitte saga is starting to remind me of a Saturday Night Live routine. Every few days somebody either has a conversation with him or texts him or talks to a friend of a friend of his, and the message that comes back is always the same. He’s leaning toward retirement. The Yankees shouldn’t hold their breaths for his return. If he decides he wants to pitch at some point, he’ll give everybody a call.

Here’s what I think about this matter: If Pettitte wants to retire, HE SHOULD RETIRE ALREADY. I won’t be happy about it, but I won’t fall apart either. In fact, unless something changes, I’m officially bidding Andy goodbye tonight. I’m going to watch old footage of him winning big games. I’m going to think lovely thoughts about all the ways he made being a Yankee fan so special. I’m going to picture him joking with him teammates in the dugout. Here’s to you, Andy. Thanks for the memories. I’ll always love you. xxoo She-Fan

(courtesy Ticket Chest/AP: Kathy Willens)

Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: Andy Pettitte, Brian Cashman, Yankees

Don’t Call Us, We’ll Call You

January 12, 2011

“Pettitte is choosing not to pitch in 2011, but the Yankees are — as they’ve been all winter — waiting for Pettitte to let them know something official. He’s leaning toward retirement, and he’ll let them know if that situation changes.”

This was courtesy of the LoHud Yankees blog today. I realize there’s been no news in Yankeeville, but the Pettitte saga is starting to remind me of a Saturday Night Live routine. Every few days somebody either has a conversation with him or texts him or talks to a friend of a friend of his, and the message that comes back is always the same. He’s leaning toward retirement. The Yankees shouldn’t hold their breaths for his return. If he decides he wants to pitch at some point, he’ll give everybody a call.

Here’s what I think about this matter: If Pettitte wants to retire, HE SHOULD RETIRE ALREADY. I won’t be happy about it, but I won’t fall apart either. In fact, unless something changes, I’m officially bidding Andy goodbye tonight. I’m going to watch old footage of him winning big games. I’m going to think lovely thoughts about all the ways he made being a Yankee fan so special. I’m going to picture him joking with him teammates in the dugout. Here’s to you, Andy. Thanks for the memories. I’ll always love you. xxoo She-Fan

(courtesy Ticket Chest/AP: Kathy Willens)

Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: Andy Pettitte, Brian Cashman, Yankees

Premiering Tonight On Comedy Central…

January 11, 2011



With absolutely nothing going on in Yankeeville, I think the Onion’s new show parodying ESPN will be the perfect way to fill the void and I intend to watch the show’s debut tonight. The folks at the Onion always deliver laughs. Remember this vid about the new Yankee Stadium?



“Artisan crafted sunflower seeds dispensers.” LOL. “Gazebo covered on-deck circles.” HAHAHA. If the new show is half as funny as this spoof was, I’ll have a very enjoyable evening.


Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: Comedy Central, Onion Sports Dome, Yankee Stadium, Yankees

Felix Hernandez Really Needs To Be A Yankee

January 10, 2011

And not just because every fan would worship at his feet. He needs to be a Yankee because he’d get to star in better commercials. I mean nothing against the Mariners, but he’d be able to endorse cars like Jeter or suits like Mo. He wouldn’t have to participate in ads like this, although he does seem very sweet.



The only thing I can’t figure out is why does the commercial feature the Rockies? Is Interleague play that big a deal in Seattle?


Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: Derek Jeter, Felix Hernandez, Mariano Rivera, Mariners, Rockies, Yankees

A Reality Show Called “Cleat Chasers?” Seriously?

January 9, 2011

Somehow, I missed this. I guess it was because I’m not a regular reader of that trusted news source RadarOnline.com.


Exclusive: New Reality Show About Baseball Groupies

Move over Tiger Woods. It looks like some cheating major league baseball players are about to see their groupies on TV, thanks to a new reality show in the works.

RadarOnline.com has learned exclusively that casting is now taking place for a show about Baseball Annies, slang for women who stop at nothing to hook up with major league players –married or single.

The show has the working title of “Cleat Chasers” and casting is in full swing by Get Some Media. A source familiar with the production told us it will feature women who know every trick to score with the pros.

“It’s a reality show about girls who stop at nothing to score with athletes while they are away from their wives and girlfriends during baseball spring training,” a source close to casting told RadarOnline.com exclusively. “It’s about girls that have gone pro in the sport of ‘cleat chasing.'”

Scottsdale, Arizona — the home of spring training for many major league teams — is a front runner to host the show and several women from there have already been cast.

“The girls will go to any lengths to go to games and practices with the goal of sleeping with and getting material things from athletes as a notch under their belt,” the source told RadarOnline.com exclusively.

These Baseball Annies talk about receiving gifts and jewelry from their athlete conquests, and have tales of wild nights out and hotel stays.

“Some girls reside in Scottsdale and others plan their vacations from other states around going to games to meet athletes at spring training,” the source said. “The girls map out what clubs, bars, and restaurants players go to so they can stalk them. These girls will do anything and are proud of it.

“So if you’re a single athlete it’s an amazing way to meet women and if you’re a married athlete it’s an amazing way to cheat on your wife. Almost every girl interviewed for the show has admitted that it’s not a concern of theirs if the athlete is married or not,” said the source.

The reality show will focus on the women and the “cleat chasing” lifestyle more than the players and their participation, added the source. That, however, doesn’t mean players’ names haven’t been dropped by the “cleat chasers” interviewed!

“The girls have named players — some that are famous and married, some single, and some players that are new to the game,” added the source. “And the production company is trying to figure out what’s true and what’s not.”


Let me comment, if I may. For one thing, I don’t watch reality television with one exception: “Chopped” on the Food Network. The second thing I want to say is aren’t people sick of shows like “The Housewives of Beverly Hills” and its spin-offs that portray women as sleazy, gold-digging airheads? I’m not being all uppity about this; I wanted to date ballplayers when I was in high school and wrote about it in the She-Fan book. But this show just sounds gross. Like the world needs more gross.

(courtesy of New York Post)

Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: groupies, Jersey Shore, MTV, RadarOnline, Yankees

A Reality Show Called "Cleat Chasers?" Seriously?

January 9, 2011

Somehow, I missed this. I guess it was because I’m not a regular reader of that trusted news source RadarOnline.com.


Exclusive: New Reality Show About Baseball Groupies

Move over Tiger Woods. It looks like some cheating major league baseball players are about to see their groupies on TV, thanks to a new reality show in the works.

RadarOnline.com has learned exclusively that casting is now taking place for a show about Baseball Annies, slang for women who stop at nothing to hook up with major league players –married or single.

The show has the working title of “Cleat Chasers” and casting is in full swing by Get Some Media. A source familiar with the production told us it will feature women who know every trick to score with the pros.

“It’s a reality show about girls who stop at nothing to score with athletes while they are away from their wives and girlfriends during baseball spring training,” a source close to casting told RadarOnline.com exclusively. “It’s about girls that have gone pro in the sport of ‘cleat chasing.'”

Scottsdale, Arizona — the home of spring training for many major league teams — is a front runner to host the show and several women from there have already been cast.

“The girls will go to any lengths to go to games and practices with the goal of sleeping with and getting material things from athletes as a notch under their belt,” the source told RadarOnline.com exclusively.

These Baseball Annies talk about receiving gifts and jewelry from their athlete conquests, and have tales of wild nights out and hotel stays.

“Some girls reside in Scottsdale and others plan their vacations from other states around going to games to meet athletes at spring training,” the source said. “The girls map out what clubs, bars, and restaurants players go to so they can stalk them. These girls will do anything and are proud of it.

“So if you’re a single athlete it’s an amazing way to meet women and if you’re a married athlete it’s an amazing way to cheat on your wife. Almost every girl interviewed for the show has admitted that it’s not a concern of theirs if the athlete is married or not,” said the source.

The reality show will focus on the women and the “cleat chasing” lifestyle more than the players and their participation, added the source. That, however, doesn’t mean players’ names haven’t been dropped by the “cleat chasers” interviewed!

“The girls have named players — some that are famous and married, some single, and some players that are new to the game,” added the source. “And the production company is trying to figure out what’s true and what’s not.”


Let me comment, if I may. For one thing, I don’t watch reality television with one exception: “Chopped” on the Food Network. The second thing I want to say is aren’t people sick of shows like “The Housewives of Beverly Hills” and its spin-offs that portray women as sleazy, gold-digging airheads? I’m not being all uppity about this; I wanted to date ballplayers when I was in high school and wrote about it in the She-Fan book. But this show just sounds gross. Like the world needs more gross.

(courtesy of New York Post)

Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: groupies, Jersey Shore, MTV, RadarOnline, Yankees

Sunny Days Will Be Here Again: A Happy Post

January 8, 2011

Since we’re all feeling a little impatient/perplexed/downright angry about the Yankees’ off-season thus far, I figured I’d lighten the mood with a bulletin: It’s almost spring training, which means it’s almost Opening Day. I know, I know. I’m not the only one with a calendar, but I just might be one of the only ones with a preview of the new Yankee Stadium E-Guide, which is the fantastic creation of Kurt Smith as part of his BallparkE-Guides series.

(courtesy BallparkEGuides.com)

Each e-guide is a detailed, PDF-formatted booklet that takes us through our favorite parks in a way that teams’ official programs and web sites don’t. For example, at Yankee Stadium you can’t get back into the ballpark once you leave, right? Wrong. Thanks to a tip in the Yankee Stadium E-Guide, I learned that if you enter via the Hard Rock Cafe and have your ticket punched there, you can come and go as often as you want. The E-Guide has insider info about buying tickets, paying less for tickets, figuring out what and where the best food is, not to mention getting to the Bronx without stress. It’s all here and it’s only five bucks, downloadable from Kurt’s site. I’ll definitely consult the Yankee Stadium E-Guide before my next visit to the Stadium.

Speaking of which, I predict that the Yanks will, indeed, end up signing Rafael Soriano.

(courtesy Greg Flume - Getty Images)

Why? Because there’s precedent for bringing in a proven closer as our setup guy. Does the name Tom Gordon ring a bell? He worked out pretty well setting up for Mo even though he’d been a closer for the Red Sox. Despite Cashman’s comments about staying “in-house” for the eighth inning and trying to avoid an expensive LaTroy Hawkins or Kyle Farnsworth-type flop, Soriano is no Hawkins or Farnsworth. He’d fit the bill just fine.

Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: BallparkEGuides, Brian Cashman, Hard Rock Cafe, Rafael Soriano, Rays, Yankee Stadium, Yankees

I Doubt This Is True But…

January 7, 2011

What do I know? In case you didn’t see the ESPNNew York article today about Petttte’s reluctance to come back, take a look.

Clemens reason for Pettitte’s pause? Yankees lefty still waffling about next season as The Rocket’s perjury trial looms

By Wallace Matthews

Nearly four years after he cashed his last Yankees paycheck, $18 million for a half-season’s work and a 6-6 record, it is possible that Roger Clemens is still exacting a heavy price from the team.  We are now barely a month away from the beginning of spring training and Andy Pettitte has still not decided whether he wants to pitch in 2011.

On Thursday, he told a New York Post reporter who showed up on his doorstep in Deer Park, Texas, the same thing he told reporters in the clubhouse in Arlington the night the Yankees were eliminated by the Texas Rangers, the same thing he has been telling the Yankees during their infrequent conversations this offseason: that he hasn’t made a decision. All season long, I believed his reason — a desire to spend time at home with his young but growing family, a desire I can relate to with two children of my own. But now, as Pettitte continues to dither on what he really wants to do, the thought occurs that there might be another factor at work.

Clearly, it’s not a matter of ability — Pettitte’s 11-2 record up to the point of his groin injury in July that robbed him of two months of the season proves he can still pitch, and probably better than anyone in the Yankees’ rotation not named Carsten Charles.

And it’s not a matter of money — right now, the Yankees’ payroll sits at a treacherously low $170 million and with Cliff Lee out of the picture, you know that $30 million of Boss Bucks is just burning a hole in Brian Cashman’s pocket.

So either Pettitte wants to pitch, or he doesn’t.

What’s taking him so long to decide?

Well, maybe it is what is waiting for him in July, a hot seat on the witness stand in the upcoming federal perjury trial against Clemens. Pettitte is expected to be the government’s star witness against his former teammate and buddy, and in fact, might be the only man standing between The Rocket and a jail cell.

Clemens, of course, is a slimy character. His accuser, Brian McNamee, is every bit as slimy with a background that is maybe even more shady. No matter how strong the evidence or how many dirty syringes McNamee saved in a soda can in his basement, his and Clemens’ testimony will probably cancel one another out just on the sleaze factor alone.

That leaves Pettitte, and his word, as the swing vote — and you know Clemens’ attorney, Rusty Hardin, is going after Pettitte in the only areas he can in order to discredit his testimony. He is going to do his level best to crush Pettitte’s reputation for honesty and sincerity and religious convictions. Simply put, he is likely to try to paint Pettitte as a lying hypocrite whose word cannot and should not be trusted.

The cross-examination could get embarrassing and highly personal.

And in a situation like that, pitching for the New York Yankees every five days and facing a ravenous media horde on a daily basis is not exactly where anyone in his or her right mind would want to be.

In that context, Pettitte’s indecision becomes not only clear, but quite understandable. When Pettitte says he hasn’t decided, it seems to mean that he really wants to pitch, but something is keeping him from committing himself to it.

True, there have been other offseasons in which he waited until well into January to decide — one season, he announced his decision on Jan. 26 — but never one in which this kind of thing was looming over his head.

Facing reporters to answer questions regarding his HGH use in a news conference in spring training was like an appearance on “The View” compared with being grilled by a defense attorney trying to keep a client out of jail.

My guess is the fear of that is keeping Pettitte on the shelf so far this winter — and if so, then Clemens is about to drag down his old team once again.

This, of course, is as much the Yankees’ fault as it is Clemens’ — for forging an unholy alliance with a player almost universally despised in their clubhouse before he joined them, for indulging his “special desires,” for allowing him to write his own rules. Clemens pitched well in his first stint with the Yankees, but the negative things he brought along with him negate many of his accomplishments.

He embarrassed the team by throwing a broken bat at Mike Piazza, forcing Joe Torre into the impossible position of having to defend the indefensible. He forced them to hire McNamee, who brought his own variety of shame and dishonor to the club.

Clemens, too, strung the Yankees along on what seemed like an annual Hamlet routine of to pitch or not to pitch, one year even going so far as to accept thousands of dollars worth of ”retirement gifts” — only to resurface the next year as a member of the Houston Astros. He neither returned the gifts nor showed an ounce of embarrassment.

But his crowning achievement came in 2007, when he played the Yankees for an $18 million contract — more like $28 million if projected over a full season — sat out until June, and then delivered a .forgettable 500 season. That was followed by his star turn in the Mitchell report, his shameful performance before Congress in which he introduced the word “misremembered” to the sports lexicon, and then he slunk off, many of us thought, forever.

But now, perhaps he is rearing his ugly head again. Now, he may be one of the reasons — not the only one, of course — why the Yankees head into spring training with a pitching rotation that is decidedly third-best in the division. Perhaps he is the reason Pettitte is so reluctant to do what it appears he really would like to do for one more season.

As a man who has ties to both the Yankees and Pettitte told me Friday, “He’s afraid of a lot of things right now. People have told him he’s going to be a major distraction this year. He knows his name is going to be dragged through the mud and he knows that when you’re a Yankee, there’s nowhere to hide.”

Maybe Pettitte is hoping Clemens will come to his senses and cop a plea before his case ever gets to trial. Maybe he is waiting to see if U.S. district judge Reggie Walton, who has already pushed back the start date from April to July, will delay the trial further, to October or November.

Or maybe he really is wrestling with the issues he discussed all season, the struggle between wanting to continue doing what he does so well and wanting to enjoy his family while they are still around to be enjoyed.

But if that was the whole story, you would think he would have made his decision by now.

Something is keeping Andy Pettitte from issuing the final verdict on his 2011 intentions.

Perhaps it’s the prospect of having to testify against Roger Clemens and stand up to what could be a public humiliation, both in the courtroom and in the clubhouse.

If that’s the case, then once again The Rocket will have cost his former team a whole lot more than just money.


Even if Andy does have concerns about having to leave the team to appear at a July trial, I’m sure the Yankees would accommodate him. And by then we’ll have Felix Hernandez so no problem! Honestly, I really hope the Clemens thing isn’t messing with our rotation. The Rocket and his weasel-of-a-former-trainer have done enough damage to the franchise already.


Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: Andy Pettitte, Brian McNamee, ESPNNY, HGH, Roger Clemens, steroids, Yankees

In The Booth With John, Suzyn And…Ted Williams?

January 7, 2011


By now everyone’s seen the story about “the homeless guy with the golden voice,” right? He’s been making the rounds and been offered all sorts of broadcasting jobs. What I don’t think anybody’s asked him is: “Are you a baseball fan?” And, more specifically: “Are you a Yankee fan?” He’s from New York with the accent to prove it, so why not hire him for occasional announcing duties during Yankees games or maybe for some of the programming on YES?

Well, there is one problem. He might have to change his name.

(courtesy JerryBrice's Blog)

Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: homeless man with the golden voice, John Sterling, NBC, Suzyn Waldman, Ted Williams, Today Show, Yankees, YES

Fine. Keep Torturing Me, Yankees

January 6, 2011

It was bad enough to have to read that the Yankees are considering Freddy Garcia and Jeff Francis and even Bartolo Colon for the rotation. But now I’m supposed to add Kevin Millwood and Jeremy Bonderman to the list, according to LoHud? My reaction is the same as it’s been this entire off-season: to hold my ears and go, “Lalalalalalalalalala.”

I was a good fan when we got Javy Vazquez last year. I pretended like it was a smart move. I said all the right things and cheered him on and acted pained when it was implied that he didn’t have what it took to pitch in New York.

Before that, I put on a brave face when we picked up Sidney Ponson. “He’ll get his act together once he’s in pinstripes,” I said out loud.

I even rooted for Kei Igawa.

But enough is enough. I don’t want any of the starters mentioned in the first paragraph of this post – all of whom qualify as other teams’ stale leftovers.


(courtesy World News)


I don’t want reclamation projects, either. I want pitchers with talent. Yeah, talent. Any kind of talent. Maybe this guy’s available?

Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: Bartolo Colon, Freddy Garcia, Jeff Francis, Jeremy Bonderman, Kei Igawa, Kevin Millwood, Yankees

Has-Beens Or Possible Contributors?

January 5, 2011

That’s what I’m wondering after reading that the Yankees have added Andruw Jones to their list of possible right-handed hitters to play this year’s version of Marcus Thames.


(courtesy SI.com)


My first thought was why didn’t we just re-sign Thames? Because he can’t field the ball in the outfield? Neither can the other names that have been bandied about: Manny Ramirez and Vlad Guerrero. Would any of these guys settle for a role on the bench? And even if they would and their price tags weren’t too high, would I want them?


(courtesy of The Frisky.com)


What I want, for the 150th time, is a starting pitcher whose name is Andy Pettitte, plus another guy whose name is Felix Hernandez. Is that too much to ask? Here’s what I’m offering Brian Cashman if he can make just one of those options happen:

* The chocolate cake I baked for my friend Rhonda’s Thanksgiving.
* The chicken and barley stew I cooked for Michael the other night.
* The bottle of Syrah that was served at the New Year’s Eve party I went to.

OK, clearly those aren’t that enticing. I need to step it up. How about:

* My Porsche Boxster S. It’s old but it’s still a beauty.
* My book collection. Romantic novels might not be Cash’s thing, but so what.
* My TVs. Sure he already has some, but who doesn’t need more TVs?
* My husband. Yes, I’d miss Michael, but sacrifices are what being a fan is all about.

Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: Andruw Jones, Brian Cashman, Manny Ramirez, Marcus Thames, Porsche Boxster S, Vladimir Guerrero, Yankees

My Patience Has Worn Thin

January 4, 2011


(courtesy chiccheapandcrueltyfree)

I’ve never been good at waiting. Not for the phone to ring. Not for a package to arrive. And especially not for the Yankees to do something besides sign Pedro Feliciano. I’m tired of watching other teams make deals or be rumored to be making deals while our GM dresses as an elf for the holidays and rappels down a tall building. What I also have to admit is that I’m tired of waiting for Andy Pettitte to decide if he wants to come back and pitch for the Yankees. I love Andy. A lot. And I sincerely hope he’s on the 2011 team. But he’s been doing this dance with regularity and it’s gotten annoying. He’s had months to think about whether his family needs him at home, hasn’t he? Surely, his kids and his wife (and his aunts, uncles and cousins) have expressed their preference by now. And surely he can see how badly his teammates need him. So I get that he might be as torn as the jeans in the picture, but it’s time for a decision. Please, Andy. As the expression goes, “S—t or get off the pot.”

(courtesy heartless-bitches.com)

Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: Andy Pettitte, Brian Cashman, Pedro Feliciano, Yankees

Those Red Sox People Are So Amusing

January 3, 2011

Here’s the headline that generated my laughter today.

2011 Red Sox Will Challenge 1927 Yankees for Title of Greatest Team in Major League History

It was from a blog on NESN that was brought to my attention by Paul Lebowitz’s blog earlier. Now don’t get me wrong; the Red Sox made terrific deals to upgrade their team this off-season, and my Red Sox fan friends (yes, I do have a few) are rightfully delirious with their shiny new acquisitions, just as we were when CC, AJ and Tex landed in our laps. But “the greatest team in major league history?”

LaughingWoman.gif

That’s just plain hilarious. For starters, I wouldn’t be caught dead writing a headline like that, given how superstitious I am. (Talk about a jinx.) For another thing, isn’t it a little nutty to make such a grandiose prediction this early, particularly after 2010 when the Red Sox were supposed to be locked and loaded and instead ended up sending everybody to the DL? And finally, the author of this masterpiece decided to compare the 2011 Red Sox with the 1927 Yankees?

1927NYYankees5.jpg

There’s a reason the ’27 Yanks were called “Murderers’ Row.” (And it wasn’t because they had a bunch of murderers on the team, which reminds me: Did everyone read about O’s pitcher Simon? Allegedly, he shot and killed a guy in the Dominican over the weekend and wounded another. I hate when that happens.) Babe Ruth hit 60 homers that year and Gehrig 47, and the others in the lineup were no slouches, either. The team dominated, absolutely dominated. So my question is this…Will the 2011 Red Sox dominate in the same way? Can any team dominate in the same way, given the competition these days? And who would comprise Boston’s Murderers’ Row? Crawford and Gonzalez are really good but are they Ruth and Gehrig? Are Pedroia and Youkilis? No doubt they’ll all score a ton of runs, but I’m just not ready to anoint them as the “greatest team in major league history.” That’s like saying the chicken and barley stew I made last night was the “greatest comfort food in culinary history.” I mean, it was excellent, if I do say so myself, but….Well, you get my drift.

Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: 1927 Yankees, Adrian Gonzalez, Babe Ruth, Carl Crawford, chicken and barley stew, Dustin Pedroia, Kevin Youkilis, Lou Gehrig, Murderers' Row, NESN, Yankees

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