What a coma-inducing show that was.
I was briefly hopeful at the very beginning when Hathaway and Franco were digitally inserted into the Best Picture nominated films, but I knew soon enough that I and the rest of the viewing audience were in for a looooong night. Were the dresses pretty? They were gorgeous. Were there any surprises in terms of the awards themselves? Not a one. Did everybody behave? Sure, except for Melissa Leo’s F-bomb. This is what you get when you don’t hire comedians to host the Oscars: a boring, boring broadcast. You want funny? Get funny people as your MC’s.
Herewith some other suggestions:
- Don’t bother telling the winners not to thank everyone. They will anyway. They can’t help themselves.
- Don’t try to make the show shorter by cutting the stuff we actually enjoyed – like the clips of previous winners.
- When you do the “dead people montage,” let the audience clap if they want to.
- If you’re going to bring back Billy Crystal, have him hang around for more than 10 seconds.
- Persuade Sandra Bullock to present more than one award; she’s entertaining.
- Ditto: Tom Hanks.
- Where were Meryl Streep and Diane Keaton, not to mention the others on my “women of a certain age” list?
- Find a new writer for the show – someone who can actually write jokes.
Michael said after the final award was given out, “That’s it. I’m never watching the Oscars again. It was such a waste of four hours.”
He says that every year, but this time I can hardly blame him.