Jane Heller

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"I Believe The Yankees Are Gonna Be Pretty Good, Even Though I Hate Them."

February 22, 2011

Guess who said that. Go on, guess.

  • Joe Buck?
  • Dustin Pedroia?
  • Hank Steinbrenner?

The correct answer would be the kid who makes videos in what looks like his parents’ attic (given all the lamps and chairs) for his YouTube channel, “megasportstube.” Take a look.

Each to his own, right? I agree that Cano will be The Man and that Jeter will bounce back. But will A-Rod continue his “decline?” Nah. And memo to the kid: CC won’t have to “carry the team.”

Of course, we’ve all expressed the same doubts about the starting rotation. How many of you laughed out loud when it was announced today that Bartolo Colon was getting the ball in the Yankees’ first spring training game? Against the Phillies, no less. Maybe he’ll face Cliffy.

But here’s what I really want to know. Why is it that the 37-year-old Colon, who has been in the majors forever, still needs a translator? He couldn’t muster a few words in English to tell the media he was excited about his first start in pinstripes? I could have figured out how to say it and I don’t speak a word of Spanish.

“I’ m excitó sobre mi primer comienzo en telas a rayas.”

There. Was that so hard, Bart?

Filed Under: Confessions of a She-Fan Tagged With: A-Rod, Bartolo Colon, CC Sabathia, Cliff Lee, Derek Jeter, Phillies, Robinson Cano, spring training, Yankees

Comments

  1. john says

    February 23, 2011 at 3:38 am

    As head of Yankee Evangilism, give me an hour with that kid and see what comes out of his mouth. I can see in his eyes he is convertible. He just need the proper guidence. If I’m not mistaken, MLB paychecks are written in English and they all seem to understand those.

  2. margaret says

    February 23, 2011 at 3:57 am

    hate to admit it but it bugged me when Matsui did it too.

  3. Melissa says

    February 23, 2011 at 5:42 am

    I’ll giveMatsui a pass. My son had a friend from Japan, and even though they lived here for over six years and the mom took English lessons, it was very hard for her to speak English – the two languages are so different.

    If I was on the Yankees (or other big market ml team) I’d use a translator too. it’s way too easy to misunderstand or be misunderstood and then it becomes news.

    hey! Maybe Hank needs a translator. Can anyone here translate asshole-eze?

  4. Jeff says

    February 23, 2011 at 6:23 am

    Bartolo does speak English. I’ve heard him say: “donut”, “big mac” and “twizzlers” many times ;-)

  5. Jane Heller says

    February 23, 2011 at 7:06 am

    HAHA, John. You can do an exorcism on the kid and get the Red Sox demon right out of him. Before we know it, he’ll love the Yankees. And yes, the paychecks are written in English but they probably go straight to Colon’s agent, who deposits them and sends him his money.

    Matsui was an interesting case, Peg. He did understand and speak English, but preferred a translator in order not to be misunderstood. He always wanted to be very precise. I also think it was his way of keeping his distance from everybody.

    I’ll give Matsui a pass too, Melissa, but mostly because I loved him so much! Maybe Hank DOES need a translator. LOL! He backtracked on his comments about “the mansions” and said it was a euphemism. Clearly, he doesn’t know what euphemism even means.

    I have no doubt Colon knows what those words mean, Jeff! I bet he can say, “Steak” and “Mashed Potatoes” too.

  6. Dan says

    February 23, 2011 at 7:17 am

    Wow, this kid is more optimistic than me…that’s kind of scary. I agree with john, I’ve been watching Lie to Me and when he says he hates the Yankees…I don’t believe him completely :P He’s sounds really smart though, know how old he is? As for Matsui, I think he does know a lot more English then he lets on, I just think he’s a private person. I mean, he wouldn’t even show his wife! Just a drawing. I’d always see him talking and joking with Jeter…unless Jeter knows Japanese O.o

  7. Jane Heller says

    February 23, 2011 at 7:27 am

    So you think the kid can be converted too, Dan? He does know his baseball. He just doesn’t know his Yankees. I remember when Matsui showed that drawing of his wife. I still don’t know if she actually exists.

  8. Bob Cerv says

    February 23, 2011 at 9:01 am

    Hey…ya gotta give that young fella his props. Most impressive, esp. 4 a Sawx fan. When I was his age, the best I could do was set up my own personal fantasy league with baseball cards…go out in the back yard with a plastic bat & ball (or sometimes with a tennis ball & glove)…and act out my own pretend-scenario on how the AL might play out. Hours of entertainment for a simple mind. Of course, the Yanks usually (always?) won…but maybe I tried a little harder when they were batting/fielding?
    And actually, I would be VERY happy with a 93-win season in this Bosawx Coronation Year. It’s nice to see ANY Hosehead fan admit that Cano is better than St. Dustin. And, yes, to the outside beisbol world, we do seem to be a one-man starting staff. That’s why I really REALLY hope that Phil & Rocky Burnett can pick up the banner big-time.
    And speaking of BIG…time…come on, Bartolo…oh, can you go solo…this ain’t water polo…so stick to your goal-oh…kay? Comprende??

  9. Paul says

    February 23, 2011 at 9:06 am

    Colon getting the ball only means they wanna get an early look to dispatch him as quickly as possible if he’s finished. And none of these guys need a translator anymore.
    http://paullebowitz.com.previewyoursite.com/blog/?p=413

  10. Nadine says

    February 23, 2011 at 10:24 am

    For hating the Yankees, that boys knows them pretty well. Or is it more a “know your enemy”-thing? It’s not like he sounds very enthusiastic about it at all. Maybe he needs more vitamins and carbs for more energy? ;) Let’s send him a Yankees T-Shirt and cap. :)
    I thought exactly the same about Colon, Jane! He starts the game on saturday…LOL! But in the end they all have to start someday…so whatever. Maybe he is as good as they say. We’ll see. Btw. did I get it right that MLB.tv is broadcasting the game? I couldn’t find a definite schedule…
    I also find it weird that Colon still needs a translator. I mean ok, he doesn’t want to be misunderstood, but how can this statement be misunderstood? Just too lazy to speak English? Or did the translater need a job?
    Ha ha, Melissa, I’m sure Hank needs a translator for manners! ;)

  11. Jane Heller says

    February 23, 2011 at 12:23 pm

    OK, Dave. I’ll give the kid props for knowing his baseball. I was pretty clueless when I was his age (whatever age that is). I knew about the Yankees but if you asked me about, say, the Padres, I wouldn’t know anything.

    I’m all for getting a look at Colon and seeing what he has left, Paul. And he did pitch in the Dominican while the other guys weren’t throwing. We’ll know soon whether he’ll help the team or not. My guess? Not.

    HAHA, Nadine. Yes, let’s send the kid some vitamins AND some Yankees gear. As for the schedule, I think MLB.TV is showing the game, but they don’t seem to have their 2011 games up, do they?

  12. Jenn says

    February 23, 2011 at 1:20 pm

    I read an interview with a hispanic player once who said he finally learned English because he wanted to be able to order a pizza without help :O) Now that is incentive! LOL

    Jenn
    http://philliesphollowers.mlblogs.com/

  13. Rays Renegade says

    February 23, 2011 at 1:37 pm

    Jane,
    I was at the Rays Spring camp last week and I overheard a beat reporter making an off hand remark about anyone with a tape recorder or a computer is a “journalist” today. I considered it very disrespectful, and knew it was pointed at me that day. But instead of overreacting over even pouring a soda on his laptop, I let it slide off my back like a duck in water.

    But he was right in a wild way. Since our technology has given us the ability to mimic and produce work that sometimes is superSo kid’s like this to me are a bright bit of sunshine in that they are sticking their toes in the water at a young age and seeing if it fits them. Most of us did not find our “calling” until we at least graduated some form of schooling.

    But the school of Hard Knocks, where I have a Doctrate is letting in people younger and younger every year. Heck we had a octopus decide World Cups games. Even if our your prognosticator is right or as wrong as so many others, I am just glad he is secure and confident enough to try….So many other just bicker from the cheap seats.

  14. Jane Heller says

    February 23, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    I’m fairly sure Colon has ordered a pizza while in the U.S., Jenn, so he has no excuse!

    Yup, Renegade, lots of bloggers and online commenters are “journalists” in a way – some more opinionated than others. I, on the other hand, am in the entertainment business. I don’t report the news. I put my own spin on it, usually in a lighthearted way. Hopefully, the kid will use his baseball savvy and grow up to become….Vin Scully?

  15. Underneath the Halo says

    February 23, 2011 at 3:02 pm

    Ooooooohhh nice place! :P Love the site!!

    I haven’t seen Bartolo Colon in ages! Just remember, he is a Cy Young award winner! Hahaha :P

    So excited for Spring Training and of course the baseball season!

    ~Mimi

  16. Jane Heller says

    February 23, 2011 at 3:28 pm

    Good to see you here, Mimi. I remember Colon’s Cy Young season and I wish he’d find a way to get even halfway back there for the Yankees. Early reports are that he’s been “throwing well,” so we’ll see what he’s got this weekend.

  17. James Buxton says

    February 24, 2011 at 11:14 am

    I hope this kid gets proved wrong about Arod.
    Sorry for the abscence, but I’m between jobs, I got a new one!!!
    I’m very excited about it. It has more responsabilities and I get to travel sometimes!!
    And will get me more time to se the beginning of the season!!!
    Have a nice Pinstriped day

    Ps. I know you don’t speak spanish, and I hope you don’t mind a little help with the translation:
    Estoy muy emocionado de empezar a jugar con los Yankees
    (pinstripes doesn’t have a proper transaltion, so here we just say Los Yankees).

  18. Jane Heller says

    February 24, 2011 at 11:23 am

    The kid WILL be wrong about A-Rod, James. Not to worry. Congrats on the new job! Very exciting news since your last one sounded like it was getting you down. No, I don’t mind help with the Spanish translation. I was only joking about it. I went on Babel Fish and their translations are always literal and wrong.

  19. James Buxton says

    February 24, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    Thanks Jane! This new job is exciting, or at least looks like.
    The same thing happens with google, their spanish-english translations should be banned from the internet.

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About Jane Heller

Jane Heller is a New York Times and USA Today bestselling author. Her fourteen breezy, witty novels of romantic comedy and suspense are now entertaining millions of readers around the world, along with her two books of nonfiction.

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